Entry for August  16th 20013

Am now at Tullamairne and this is my first chance to log back in I only get a limited session on line so it may cut out……The trip to Victoria has been a tonic I was looked after like a queen and the camp was so beautiful I have a card from the body who we so touched by the gifts that were sent

I spent the bulk of my time with G’s parents I shared more of my journey with them and in particular B than I have with anyone to date, G picked me up from the airport and we got along like bandids, He dropped me at the main house where I had dinner with G’s family and shared and then down to B and G’s home where I was to stay …..they had guests and we joined them for supper and we made a very gay party but it wasn’t long before I needed to crash.

The next morning I woke at 4 and read till 6 when i got up got dressed and went for a wander what a magnificent property it was beautiful to walk in green hills near water and ducks and I kept finding myself singing Oh Lord Oh Lord how majestic is your name in all the earth do you guys remember this one, bet Michael will ūüôā

By the time I got back G was up and not long after so w B and We sat and visited and I shared in depth the story so far then it was off to Ballarat to have morning tea, and the best lemon tart I have ever had, before going for a walk in the botanical gardens then back home for lunch more sharing and more sharing and then a tour of the camp on a gator with G before we headed up to the camp so I could have dinner with those of the body that could come it again was a gay old gathering and dinner was easy and relaxed then it was my turn to share and encourage and as everyone sat round me in a circle what would normally have terrified me felt as natural as breathing and it was simply because I was breathing in Christ and exhaling fear except there was no fear to exhale because these are my brothers and sisters in Christ and I am seeing Him in them and trusting Him in them to receive what I am saying from my heart the things of the Lord so far in my experiences make no sense they are not of the mind they are of the heart and need to be seen with the eyes of the heart too.¬† The funny thing is there was a brother who from the moment he came in avoided not just my gaze, but most others too, he came off as guarded and on edge, even¬† somewhat defensive and in him I recognized me prior to Christs transformation of me…it was funny to see what I must have looked like to you before Christ transformed me and my heart went out to him…..as I started to share I was able to make eye contact with people and when during the session one lay down and fell asleep for a bit it did not bother me because I knew that she would hear what she needed to hear and that her body needed rest, a phone went off and someone had to answer it and again it did not phase me…people were free to come and go sit stand lie or sleep and it did not affect me one bit because again all that was needed of and from me was that I be obedient to Christ and share my story with the body in NSW and Victoria the rest was up to Him …towards the end of the sharing the brother who had been guarded at the start was now openly making eye contact and laughing at¬† the parts that were funny and I could see that he too will reach a place in the future where the Lord transforms him too, not¬† for any other reason than His love for us.


…… So I shared and before I ¬†knew it it was 9 pm and it felt like only five minutes they asked questions and I answered as best I could and then it was back down to B and G’s .

This morning at 3 the Lord woke me and explained some more about L also about why I had had to be baptized in the water and also about why the time in Gainesville then I got to go back to sleep and I slept in until about 6.30.  Then it was up and pack get dressed breakfast and then a long walk before morning tea and then off to the airport and now here I sit tapping out stuff before the last leg of the journey home. i think my session will time out soon so the bits from Newcastle that still need to be updated will have to wait

But just know I am so looking forward to being home home C and R you will never fully know

Entry for August 14th 2013

Again omg where to start to fill you in on yesterday…..not much time Jenna is on her way will try to get back soon, but in the mean time so I remember everything cliff notes for me are:

Emails to M and arranging meeting First morning in D asked if I had been in contact with my friend and I said no I was going to do that this morning but I only had her email and because of the screwup with Qantus wasn’t sure if it would happen though I felt really strongly in my spirit they were suppose to meet her but I wasn’t worried if it was to be the Lord would sort it and. Sure enough when I logged in the was an email sent only moments before from M saying I am trying to reach you I had to make a couple of calls but I emailed her my phone number or rather D’s and before I could try ringing her she was on the phone saying she was just jumping in the shower and would be down in a couple of hours…boom all set so its D and me to get dressed and go get things for lunch….rock melon, avocado, chicken grapes sweet peppers, cos lettuce, nectarines, smoked salmon goats cheese, juice humus and we were set….got back to find M had arrived 6 minutes earlier….. When I gave D the table runner she had laid it out on the table straight away and as I caught up with M they proceeded to lay out all the food on plates and the table was laden with a feast and as we sat and shared ¬†and I gave my story M said this is so funny only last week I heard about this organic church for the first time there is a group in the bay ¬†you remember the V’s they are doing organic church or trying too….as we continued to share I could see the Lord knitting D and D and K and M together and M said she would tell the Nelson Bay group about D and D we had such an amazing time of sharing and laughter and we all knew that we were one in the Lord and that He was having his way despite us all being really strangers to each other it was if we were old friends…..M left and we all marveled at the Lords handiwork and then it was in the car and on to the next divine appointment….. Oh forgot to mention we all recognised that we we experiencing the Lords supper and it was taking place with the runner on the the table and to me it felt like a benediction…still ¬†some of the catholic left in me lol

dinner at S and ¬†J’s Christ in the Thermo mix so that night we went to S and J home they are the other couple in newcastle and. Had dinner with them Jenna has just gotten a thermo mix and she was busy cooking up a storm cheese souffl√©s, shepherds pie and chocolate cake and as I shared what and how this all came about we laughed and fellowship pen and again it was if I had known them all my life Steven in particular had lots of questions and at one point after sharing about the shooting range we all began to see what we could see of Christ in the thermo mix and surprisingly there was a lot amid a lot of laughter during all this flight centre rang and the young girl who originally made all the flights let me know that it was possible to rebook flights but it was going to cost a lot more as Qantas was not accepting responsibility for the change to my circumstances because of their cancelled flight…. I realsedthat she ¬†was actually quiet distressed by this and when I asked her if she was okay she almost broke down in tears she had spent her entire day trying to extend things for me and was overwrought, i plan on taking her flowers when I get back, ¬†I thanked her for all her help and then went back tothe happy ¬†foursome who were still finding Christ in things on the table.

Early morning learning curve

Phone call with G and the word of the Lord

Body life begins with J adventures in Christ, home ed and the mirroring of IC

giving out. Of the abundance the lesson of the Moccana Jar again lol

Entry for August 13th 2013

6.16am I am currently under attack by Donna and Dave’s two pouches who have snuck into my room and I suspect are illegally on my bed generally loving me, cant tell you how nice it is to be around animals again, on top of which when we get to their home it is surrounded by open paddocks and when we go into the dining area the windows open up on rolling hills of brown grass, with gum trees edging the fields and kangas hopping and I am home Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh. ¬† Love the saints in America and the country was and is beautiful but the sight of ¬† Brown grass and gum trees breathed new life into my tired body, and I was reminded a fresh how much I love this country He has put me in….but enough of this you want to know about D and D well as I came through the terminal I was worried I wouldn’t recognize them but there they were and it was just as it was with the saints in America instant recognition of here stood my brother and sister and the big question was who do I hug first now not how do I avoid contact, my sister won first hug, but only just brothers ūüôā ¬† Almost immediately we began sharing and on the drive home began to tell them about all the things that had happened….Our sister is currently battling a cold but apart from this they both appear to be in good spirits, L ¬†our sister was very touched by her present and both our brother and sister were touched by the album and table runner which is currently laid on the Dining table.

So after a quick shower and a change of clothes I got a cup of tea and the chance to put my feet up, air travel is playing havoc with my body and I keep blowing up like a balloon…having said that I needed a belt extension going across but not one coming back thanks to the weight loss…..Yeeeeah, however I am digressing, as I sat sharing all that had occurred or trying to I felt instantly at home just as I had in America and at peace with my brother and sister no awkward getting to know you or settle in simply sharing from the heart right off the bat which E knows is just not me…lol but it is now ūüôā

After a bit our brother went off to the shops to get something for dinner and so I got to catch up a bit one on one with our sister and learn a little about ¬†their situation and their daughter… And while not wanting to jump the gun believe part of the reason I am stopping here is for her she is 18 just like my B….but will wait and see what happens ¬†on this front…. As there were brothers from Newcastle coming up that evening to hear we ate dinner fairly quickly and generally chit chatted and then the brothers arrived……The first brother went to shake my hand and I said Oh no that wont do and reached over and gave him √† big hug but I could tell the second brother was where I had been and so I simply smiled at him, however when he left at the end of the evening he came to get his hug too and said your right you give really good hugs lol

We spent the evening sharing and again there was no holding back total transparency, eventually ¬†our sister simply had to go to bed as she was to unwell to sit up any longer which once again left me with just the brothers but no awkwardness and. All joked about it….

This morning the Lord woke me with a word for one of the brothers last night and I can’t wait to pass it on it would seem that life is just getting better and better….. Lots more happened but again a public log is not the place ¬†it will have to wait till I am home…. ¬†We are meeting with more saints this evening and I am hoping to make contact with a friend of mine in the area who I believe is living in the Lord now too… More later.

Entry for August 12th 2013

12.05pm Am soon to leave for Newcastle ..I am continuing my boot camp experience…just as I was about to board last night with my new seating it was taken off me and I had a choice live out if Him or not , to be honest I am still not sure how I did but I did get express checkout because of it and a cab voucher at this end meaning I did not have to go through customs but got to go through the crew section basically and by pass everything……..so not sure which is better but at the end of a long couple of days I am glad this leg of things is nearly done……..I am waiting to see Donna and Dave and follow His promptings about rescheduling the flights home I heard three days when we were first making the bookings ¬†but if I do that it will throw out all the other flights too so waiting to hear from Him and Donna and Dave. ¬†I have links to the conference now too that once I get ¬†to there place I will post links to it in an email for everyone Sunday Morning was the highlight for me and it was here that I really felt I was finally beginning ¬† to understand what it means to be part of the bride of Christ…..okay they are calling our flight

Entry for 10th 2013

8.38 pm So as I sit here with my new boarding pass ¬† home I am feeling somewhat proud of myself….not only did I talk to a banker from Sydney all the way in from the hotel to the airport…but when I got here I chose to trust Him and live out of Him ¬†and as a result ¬†I now have upgraded seating so that now I am on the top deck with way more leg room in premium economy, I was one of the few who got dinner vouchers and when I had to go through security each time I went to go to the next check point they would ¬†open up a new gate and so I got through in under 15 minutes for some it was over an hour….

Usually when these types of situations occur I go into manager efficient mode where I simply dig in and stand my ¬†ground ..but it is so much better when you live in Him because He simply takes care of everything and that is what He did tonight….just like ¬†he has ¬† this whole trip no more having to fight my own dragons I simply need to rest in Him and let Him be my night in shining amour…….

I also like the fact that I could talk about my trip with the banker and not feel pressured to witness , I am free to simply be normal yes he heard I was here for church ¬†but our conversation was more about our different experiences of America…….when he saw that I had finally gotten to the waiting lounge he came to chat more instead of seeking to avoid the crazy born again Christian lady lol

4.53 pm In just a little bit I will go down to check out and catch the shuttle back to the airport, I have been listening to the song the Lord has given us and reflecting on everything so far and it has struck me a fresh how miraculous is this work that He is doing in us and that even when the pulls of the world ¬†would try to draw us back into it, we really are not of this world and that more and more I simply want to walk out this walk with the saints…on the way down the sister said that she was to remind me that I am separated from the world not from my brothers and sisters in His word to me, and I understood why it was said , but again watching the movie all I could think was how this living out of Christ is to be done in Him within the community and how I cannot do it with out you brothers and sisters….. Each time this present situation has caused me to start to touch things with my mind I have felt my heart start to harden and my mind to reason and then His voice says live out of me not you and my heart softens and my mind stops soooo easy yet so hard to just listen and remember….. Anyways time now to check out just in case I haven’t told you enough in this blog I love each one of you ūüôā

Well here I am still in Los Angeles washing out my clothes and ironing them dry because I felt sorry for the last airline who canceled my connecting flight and had to limit cabin luggage so when they asked for volunteers to check hand luggage ¬†I checked mine last time I do that….then the ¬†Qantas leg was cancelled too in the wee small hours after we were sat on the tar mac for about 6 hours, now as we wait for the next flight out tonight I am sat watching of all things The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe which is funny considering how much the Lord was and is using these books to speak to me about the indwelling life that is ¬†Him which I am getting plenty of practice living ¬†out of at present…not sure what is going to happen to my connecting flights and it looks like I wont be home for Rafe’s birthday now

I am still going to visit both church’s at this stage just the dates will change…for now I am going to catch some sleep and will fill you in on where we are in a little bit….for the meantime know I am genuinely in good ¬†spirits despite the ¬†upheaval ūüôā

Entry august 9th 2013

4.35 pm unsuccessful power nap at an end, as I have sat watching arriving passengers walk through the door I thought to myself how do I see Christ in these people where do I look and then a section of the last battle came to mind which I will have to include when I get home but basically Aslan says that which is good in people and that which is good that they do is of me for all good is me and all that is bad is not…and I suddenly got what the saints have been saying and CS Lewis over the last few days…..

Ohoh battery is dying sorry will have to wait till I can recharge….

2.29 pm Here I am at Orlando airport waiting for my flight at 5.30 trying to see Christ in people, I missed it in the resturant when I was sat next to a man that was f…..ing away, but am going to practice on the way home….Had an interesting conversation on the way to the airport but I ain’t discussing it here yawl ¬†(like my southern drawl) have to wait till the sisters meeting to hear about that one…..

I’m having trouble staying a wake so I am going to power nap before hand nighty night

Well I did it again fell asleep part way through as I was saying dinner ¬†last night ……one by one the saints arrived ¬†till the house was overflowing, the laughter and sharing was amazing and as I sat here looking at all these faces that I really really love trying to imprint each one on my mind all I could think is look Lord what you have done you have given me brothers and sisters in only a few days how is that possible……? then one of the brothers arrived with a word for each of the saints and as he went round the table i said Lord if this is just for the Gainesville saints thats okay by me but don’t let my brother be embarrassed or attempt to give me one thats not of you like these…..I am okay if its just for them but if you have a word for me than thats okay by me too Then the brother paused and looked at me and said sister let me wait on the Lord and then almost instantly said no I got it…..and he spoke about how i was a fire that would not go out and of his not giving up on me and my finally resting in him and how i would go back to perth taking His fire back with me to fields of wheat…. As he said this the Lord brought back a night in St Louis 15 years ago to my mind when I was at ¬†the Joyce Meyer women’s conference…..It was titled He whom the Son sets free is free indeed, ¬†and it’s part of this story too as on the last night of the conference when I knew the Lord had done a huge work in me I found myself crying out to let me be an instrument like Joyce, except for the people back home…it wasn’t that I wanted to be her I didn’t want her fame or to stand up in front of thousands like she did, and i still don’t, I ¬†just ¬†wanted be a blessing to others so they might grow in Him the way her obedience had been used to grow me and I have to dig out the journal where i wrote this down but basically He came back with “I am calling you to be a preacher and you are to separate yourself unto me and steep your self in my word for you will be like a bush fire starting in the east and taking me to my people in tHe west…… At that time we lived in New South Wales and ¬†it made sense only in part as we had no desire to live in the west again at that ¬† stage. Time moved on and I went through two bouts of serious depression and I forgot about this word until tonight when He brought it back to me and yes I cried again but now it doesn’t bother me. So now I am really excited to see what he is going to do and will miss all my brothers and sisters here but i cant wait to see you guys and find out all your news and to see what He is going to do with the body in Perth and the provisions I bring back It’s now 5.55 and I am off to swim one last time and hopefully tire myself out for the long journey home, ¬†doubt there will be time for any more updates till I reach Los Angeles but boy ¬†am I ¬†ready for gum trees, my back veranda, Tom and the kids and you guys xoxoxo ūüôā

Entry for August 8th 2013

11.22pm so the last of the saints have left and I am now fully packed, what an evening, it started with just my host family and the dear brother and sister i drove back with and had dinner the other night with, who seem to have ducked under my rib cage and found an extra special place in my heart 9.40 am have just put my clothes in the wash so I can pack this afternoon to come home, there is a whole slew of sisters and brothers coming this evening and I am making sticky date pudding for them all.. Soon we are off to the shops to buy groceries and a mug for my Beth so she has a cup on the dresser too and then home again to probably up date the blog from yesterday and fill you in on my afternoon visit to my sister one block over and the sisters meeting last night. I have lapt the pool and plan to rise early tomorrow to do as many laps as I can before I get on the plane so that I am tired as anything when I get to Los Angeles and take the flight back we are leaving around nine for the drive to Orlando which is about two hours away..I stop in Texas on the way back but not long enough to catch up with any of the brothers or sisters I got to know from there… So the visits to the sisters house yesterday had a different purpose to the one I thought the Lord was taking me over for, it was this sister whose son had shared at the brothers house that night about his journey to encourage me re L at home….and I thought great I will get to talk to a sister who has been there done that… And we did share but funnily enough it was me holding her hand while she cried and told me her story and I listened, then part way through a brother came in who has hurt his foot recently and needed some medical advice, the medical system he is so bizzare I ¬†dont know how anyone ever dares ¬†get sick here, a simple trip to the er to get a cut sutured can cost $2,000 …..anyways this brother has just gotten a job after a long time being unemployed and he is desperate to keep it so he can send money to his children and so he can feel as though he is not a burden to the body …as he poured out his heart and told us how lonely he has felt and how he has just wanted to give up our hearts went out ¬†to him and I found myself simply walking over and giving him the biggest hug while my sister spoke to him and said brother what ever we have is yours and if you need food then all you have to do is text and say is now a good time to come for breakfast lunch and or dinner, as he was running out of food stamps before the end of each month and then simply going with out…..it was beautiful to watch this sister give to this brother and in turn to see him receive ¬†there is more to this obviously, ¬†but I wont put that in a public forum like this blog….needless to say it was beautiful to watch Christ in action…..I also got to thank my younger provision for having been obedient to the Lord the night of the brothers dinner and being my provision THe sisters meeting was good, I had dinner before hand with the sister and again it was a divine appointment as she is about to go into a teaching position with special needs children and so was able to sit with her and give her first hand insight into how a “dyslexic child and an autistic ” child think and what works with people like Laird and I…..what made this unusual for me was not sharing how I think but that I was willing to wear this label ¬†and for Laird too so that ¬†my sister was free to understand ¬†where I was coming from when I don’t accept these terms to describe how God has put some of us together….. Then the sisters arrived not all but a goodly amount and after catching up we sang, some declared, some shared, some edified some of the sisters present and some sat silent, then before you knew it we were eating rhubarb pie, fudge and something else …. The sisters visited with each other for a long time and it is evident that the sisters know and love each other deeply…..it has been a real pleasure to live with the women and hear their stories see their struggles see how they resolve issues, lay things down, serving each other in a myriad of ways and they shall know we are Christians by our love by our love yes they’ll know are christians by our love. When we came home I sat with two brothers introducing them to australian beer adds among other things while the two sisters went for a walk while they processed something, issues and problems are dealt with they are not allowed to fester as this is what eats away at the bride of Christ, it is done promptly calmly and decisively, with the minimum of fuss and drama. Right now my sister is playing with the child of another sister while the baby sleeps upstairs so this mum can work meanwhile another sister is watching her children at the pool and a brother has just come to borrow her car so he doesn’t have to spend two hours on a bus to pick up his pay check….the love the body share here and demonstrate is practical above all and daily. NOw I have to make cakes for dinner…..Happy Birthday M…..

6.53 pm I am packed the cooking is done and I am reflecting on what tomorrow will bring …I am now a new creation well and truly and I am not nervous, I am wondering though how deep does this new person go all the way I hope…..The last two weeks have been a pure joy, I have trusted to the Lord completely and also that I am hearing Him, I have learned when the enemy starts how to shut him down though I admit it is easier in this environment than I think it will be at home yet I am looking forward to walking it out day by day living in Him and of Him simply because this is a beautiful way to live…. No more mind racing to cover all the bases, no more feeling the weight of the world if I make a wrong choice or decision I can simply ask Him and rest in Him……….. Guests have arrived so have to disappear

Entry for August 7th 2013

Well as you can see there was an interruption to our regularly scheduled

programming……as I was given them opportunity to go to the shops for the first time as I wanted to buy some thank you presents for people here ….we will now resume the ¬†scheduled program So the sister I spent time with yesterday is like the american version of me we both think in pictures, we discovered this when she said something and I had my ahah moment of revelation in picture form as usual and I wanted to remember it so I could share it with you when I got home (ask me about transparency with non believers when I get back) so I asked for a pen and paper so I could draw the image I had so I could translate the image for you guys into words…. And lo and ¬†behold she does the same thing, she too has had to work through the same issue ¬†with the brothers and laughed when I told her I thought I was becoming some jezebel floozy because now I felt comfortable with the brothers and even wanted to spend time with them, ¬†her response was yeah right I know it took me a while to understand it was Christ in them I was responding too which only served to make me feel normal as quite a few of the sisters here have experienced this.. I shared my ¬†story with her and as I did I cameto realize ¬† things I had not seen before in telling others the same story……that during my time where ¬†B was cutting me dead I was already living out of Christ’s life and not mine… Though I did not start the Frank Viola series for a couple of weeks after that…. i have also seen that every time I have been baptized it has taken place in winter and it is as if He is saying I bring life out of nothing even when it seems all is asleep I am busy bring new life forth from the frozen ground. i t was simply nice to share with someone who a lot of the time didn’t need words because she knew because we were in sinc…. Shortly after getting back my host B and I went shopping and she let me buy her some things, my love language is gifts and so being able to buy things for her made me very happy, but it was a little difficult for her and she admitted that but she is far enough a long that she let me and I again got to experience how much we rob others not just of Christ’s blessing of provision in many cases but also in opportunities for them to receive in some way unseen by us….all my life I have thought to refuse help, gifts, acts of service etc was a good thing, a right thing, that to accept or receive was greedy or selfish, (though I never thought this about anyone I wanted to give too) now I see that when we allow others to give to us it is truly a blessing more for them than us that in that giving they are receiving far more than anything we get…and though I am far better I still have a ways to go… Later tonight at the sisters meeting I need to accept an offer that was made two nights ago…it was only a little thing to lend me some nail polish remover as one of the sisters here painted my toe nails green and it is now starting to flake off and she noticed and offered me some varnish remover but despite having just soaked up the presence of the Lord with her big time I felt embarrassed to say yes, I actually really wanted to as the polish is chipped and it bothers me but it just seemed to personal and I didn’t know how to accept something that seemed so personal from someone else….and I am sure some of you are saying nail varnish a personal item……I ¬†know I know I didn’t say it was logical lol but it is now two days on and B’s humility in allowing me to buy things for her as meant that I can now go back and tell my sister that yes I dowant to ¬†borrow it and also why and I know she will probably laugh at me and say sure sis So after shopping B dropped me at another sisters house ¬†where I was to have dinner again it was something not like I have been eating…. deep fried tortias with creamed spinach, chicken, tomato, spring onion, and three types of cheese grilled ¬†in the oven along with something called cherry coke followed by ice-cream sandwiches and it was obvious the sister had gone to a lot of trouble, but its okay as now I know Pauls admonition eat what the locals give you everything is permissible I live in his freedom, I am living out of His life not mine….so I had one and it was really good at the end of the first one I still feel hungry but I am okay with that after a little while ¬†the sister asked me if I wanted another one and I knew it was okay to say yes…. But I could only finish half, prior to America I could have easily polished off three of them…. Then she asked if I would like an ice cream sandwich and generally I stay away from dairy cause it does not agree with me but again I could see the sister really wanted me to try it and So I did turns out she for them specially for me and so this one small act made her happy as did trying the coke….which I didn’t hate but one was enough ……funnily enough when talking to my host brother before he left this morning he said during the conversation we had on M’s questions, which I will get to in this blog, he said and we always tip towards saying yes in these situations… Meaning that when something comes up we are not sure about we tip towards saying yes in order to stay open to what the Lords is wanting to do even if we are not sure we are on board……which is what unbeknown to me I have been doing since I got here….tipping towards saying yes to new things even when myflesh didn’t ¬† want to or my mind was screaming are you nuts run now while you still have a chance…. Part way through another sister arrived and then another married couple came and we sat sharing both dinner and Christ I shared my story so far…..again I have come to realize that this sharing of stories is important both to us and what we will learn in the telling we have not learnt in the living of it and also for the other person for their lives and what they can see of Christ in your journey for them and also what they receive from Christ for you… Eg in the morning my sister had remarked that in being so transparent with her I was like the translucent gold of heaven, ¬†as apparently pure gold is transparent, then that night the next sister shared on the same thing but she had a different insight that gave me another Aaah moment but I ¬†need my word pictures here so when I get home ask me about gold, the sun and the Son….. So we sat on and the others had to go and at 11 we are sat listening to the song from Saturday ‘s corporate meeting and I have now booked marked it on the iPad as I feel strongly this is for you funnily enough the brother who brought it on Saturday texted this morning that when he was listening to it he felt the Lord say this is for the body in Perth and I just felt so happy because I already knew that it was meant for each one of you dear saints ……. And now I am sat here feeling all choked up thinking about you receiving this love letter from our groom to each of you…..E you know how you asked me if I was excited before I came here and I kept saying no….while if you ask me if I am excited about coming home the answer is yes… Not because I am homesick because I am not but because I can wait to begin sharing this life with you in the flesh not just in the spirit……yes I know experiencing body life will be ¬†different to here for a number of reasons: *we are a different expression of Christ * we are babies where as the saints here are probably preschoolers, *we are still being knit together plus the fact that one has college another small children, brothers have to work, some have to nurse the sick, some drive long distances, some are sick, some are hurt, some are busy building etc etc ¬† Each one of us is in a different place in the journey of learning to live in His life not our own, ¬†and it is only now that the words of the song ¬†make sense….There’s a message coming from the church today have a life but not your own……at this point I thought the song was talking about the control the church was exerting over individuals you must conform to us and our mores….but then the next line life not from your body and not from your soul came along and I was buggered if I knew what any of it meant but I sang it anyways rounded off with another’s life thats from the throne… Just to top it off and make it just that more spiritual and completely opaque for me…….. Now though I get it life not generated from my efforts to be better, to not sin, to not overeat, too exercise, to love that brother or sister who annoy the bejeebers out of me, to forgive that person who has just wounded me to the core, to be kinder, to be less selfish, to be….. to ……to …….to …….to none of which I could do and which only left me feeling guilty, condemned and utterly useless and inferior to all of my brothers and sisters in the body…… Life not out of my mind, not my contingency plans, not by socratic thinking, not by my past experience or wisdom, not by the worlds thinking or my biblical worldview not by anything in my mind at all …… Life this life comes from Him living in me, speaking to me, living out of me, expressed by me though me in me out from me Him in me…often totally at odds with my desires, logic, wants, practical common sense apparent capabilities, personality, etc etc Theres a battle raging on the earth today to live by life but not the old……..our body is experiencing this now we are babies learning to stand, to let go of the coffee table of common sense, personal beliefs, desires, and to take those first steps in living out of His life in us, not the old life that we wore as a suit that some mornings we forgot to put on or only slipped an arm or a leg into but the life that is Him, that has been there all along waiting for us to delve, dive, luxuriate frolics, sink, embrace in all along, that life that is light, that life that enables forgiveness, long suffering, patience and greatest of all love…… to love and serve each other without waiting for it to be returned, or even understood, reciprocated or even accepted or appreciated…….no body has rung me………so I will ring them……no one has visited me… I will go visit them….no one ¬†listens to me…..I will continue to speak up ……..no one hears the cry of my heart …..I will listen to theirs……..I am lonely….I will reach out my brother is struggling I will ring him …. Okay so not sure how I got to this point but get to it I did so that brings me to

7.am this morning sat on the couch with my brother asking him M’s questions and H I have answers to yours but that is for when I get home meanwhile we had a long discussion and For the purpose of this blog I am going to keep it brief and elucidate more when I get home however assignments are seen as important ( and in my mind I think of them as opportunities ) to be purposeful about our intent to seek out Christ and live out of His life not our own… Short answer yes they do assignements or exercises, planning meetings are about every 4 -6 weeks and are important as again they are seen as opportunites to purposefully place the body in a position to seek and receive of the Lord Partnering is also seen as an important for the same as above, it builds body life and ¬†the picture I have received ¬† is that it helps towards ¬†cloth-thing the bride of Christ generally partners will stay together for the life of an opportunity i.e. two part series on something two weeks, a thee week something then three weeks. One of the brothers asked me if it was difficult for me being so far away from the rest of the body how did I do body life when I had to drive so far isn’t it a disadvantage, and after thinking about it I said no, yes it would be good to live the way they do here but the reality is Australia has and is a different expression of Christ and while some expressions may look like Gainesville in the future many wont ¬†and that for me it has simply meant that I have had to be more purposeful in how I go about things. Such as Morning from the top of the hill, driving down to see R, ¬†ringing when I have errands in Perth to see if E is home…making vego food ¬†for L and S, making carbo free for H and M inviting M to see the new star treck movie with T and the boys and I…….looking for the ways the Lord presents to me to ¬†love my brothers and sisters. There is a lot more that was shared and my brother has given me links to three bogs he has written which I will email later to you all, in the mean time I am feeling led to go and call on a sister so I am going to follow through. As i have been sat here doing this now since 10 and it is now 1pm

Entry for 6th August 5th 2013

4.10pm spent this afternoon with a sister who is me here in this body….

8.20am As you can see I slept in and like a log I am now officially brilliant at sleeping lol, so aft calling out the name of Jesus I reached for the old iPad to see who has written what and low and behold there was Charlie and Michaels name and I went yeah, and it suddenly occurred to me that while the sistersare emailing ¬† me group and private my brothers are ¬†very quiet……….. and I miss hearing your voices too so dear brothers belly up to the counter and share cause we are all the bride of Christ and every voice needs to be heard. ¬†Ad besides which I love my broths and cant wait to be back among you ¬†and the sisters too….. Charlie reading your poem reminded me of a comment I made last week to a sister about the clouds here ..every afternoon it rains here despite it being summer on top of which they have thunder and lightening storms to so far I have experienced four of them, hence the reason I swim in the morning, but in watching a cloud grow and unfurl before my eyes I remarked I have not seen this type of cloud action since I was a little girl it just does not seem to happen in oz any more that I have seen, nor does it rain and thunder in oz in summer any more the way it did occasionally as a kid… But you are right it is beautiful to watch and I miss it but not as much as I miss hearing Michaels songs, Charlie’s hugs, Brendon ‘s bad jokes and yes they are too bad Brendon, Mikes gentle steadfastness, Colin’s stirring of the body in general, Drikus’s energy and James hunger for Christ, Geoff your bubbly personality and the fun that is to be found in Christ as the Lord leads us on in this dance and last but not least Simeon and his desire to be real in his walk before the Lord…… As for you my beautiful sisters Elsa your capacity for Love that is like a warm blanket you can wrap yourself in, Hannah your desire to understand all that is of Christ, Rhona your gentle wisdom that is shared from the heart, Julia’s willingness to cry when revealing Christ from with in her heart, once it made me very uncomfortable and I wished you would stop but now dear sister I realize what a privilege it is to see your heart so laid out before the body, the bride of Christ this way, Olivia and her youthful zeal and the way her face radiates when she joins us in the corporate meetings, Larissa and your giggle and the way you stay in the moment, Marian your love of the Lord that you wear like a very much loved shawl where ever you go, Judy rock solid and firmly planted, Megan and how she see’s Christ in the movies she and I both love to watch, Louise your ability to abandon your self to Christ, Jenni and the way you love your grandson I ¬†learn so much from watching you on this front and last but also by no means least Sally and how you remain faithful and hungry for the Lord refusing to give in I love your determination and courage and newest to the body that is us my beautiful Beth words can not describe how happy it makes me to share this with you and you your journey with me. So there it is folks the new mushy me……I know I know but what can i do i just love you guys and it is growing by the hour as my revelation of you as the bride of Chris’s grows ……take even one of you away and the bride is no long without spot or wrinkle each one of you is precious to Him and to me.. I had always thought ¬†that with out spot or wrinkle referred to christians getting it right, not sinning, all working in perfect unison, but this morning I understood the spots are holes where people are absent, the wrinkles where whole groups are yet to be added so the material can stretch out straight and what a relief to realize it is referring to those who are yet to be added, cause if it was the other way around based on my walk we were never going to have a bride with out spot or wrinkle love ¬†me

Entry for August 5th 2013

This morning I got an email from home and apparently L has been though his room and gotten rid of lots of things and it is now a different room and as this is not L it worried me as he never parts with anything and my first thought was oh no that’s what young people do they give their ¬†things away¬† has this clicked with Tom is he on this? Then I was reminded of my brothers testimony last night and where as I was wobbling moments before, ¬†Christ with in me was using his testimony to say to me I have him its okay, but there was a still doubt and my perfect peace was not so perfect anymore live a tricycle missing one of its back wheels, again He had provided my provision even before I knew I would need it, but I still had to take hold of it….

10.50 pm am just back from dinner OMG ……l what an incredibly unbelievable evening, over dinner we got to shared our stories, for me how I came to be here and what the Lord was and is doing how he is changing me in ways I could never imagine, I hug people I barely know yet know them, ¬†I am living ¬†in the moment yet it is actually I live in Him and out of Him, I don’t have to micro manage my thoughts or feelings or my decisions, because His yoke is easy…….after dinner a brother texted and they asked him over this is the same brother I first spoke to and who I saw the night before and saw this morning at the pool with my sister and each time the Lord has used Him to speak to me ,he has such a heart for the Lord he freely confesses that He is waiting for ¬†a fuller understanding of the Lord such as he sees in others but it is not a striving simply a drinking it in ¬†from others any knowledge that they might have that will point the way, he is so open and honest and transparent that you respond in kind….at one point I said when I first joined the church I hated the songs the music is terrible for the most part and the words made no sense to me for the most part but now after connect all I can think is how amazing are these words at that point the e other brother said how about we read some of them out not sing them just read them out so we did the first one we did was the Lord of the Dance because I found it in the online songbook and I thought are this is from my home and I told them the story if Geoff in the airport in China and suddenly you were there with us, they said okay Hayley you read this one out and I did no nerves no anxiety but it wasn’t just read out it was Read out with emotion and conviction and shouting I am the Lord of the Dance and we knew He is the Lord of the Dance the evening ¬† went on like this with song after song, and declarations in between and the presence of the lord was heavy and sweet as we sat on the floor in the lounge with our cuppas simply expressing and partaking of Christ…. This couple shared how they had been living this body life for two years and yet it was only on the last morning of interconnect that they received a fuller revelation of what it means to live out of the indwelling life of Christ and the bride of Christ ….. finally it was time to go and they walked me back and hugs ¬† all-round and again these are my brothers in Christ and there is no awkwardness any more nor with my sisters….. Then in side to find two sisters just leaving, one of whom was one of the single sisters I stayed with and she sat and we visited for a bit and we got to talking about scarecrows in the garden and I asked if she had a hat and told her about our cork hats and she is outdoors a lot and hates bug spray so I am going to get her one. meanwhile my host R….. Is looking up images of one and teasing me and ¬†generally its a jolly old time.

12.50 Have just come up aft a long discussion with my hosts B and R on body life the bride of Christ, and my sister shared a passage from a man named Deitrich Bonhoeffer which I am including here and asking you all to read and reflect upon and to ask the Lord to reveal to you what if anything He is saying to us as a body

Innumerable times a whole Christian community has broken down because it had sprung from a wish dream. The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God’s grace speedily shatters such dreams. Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and if we are fortunate, with ourselves. By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world. He does not abandon us to those rapturous experiences and lofty moods that come over us like a dream. God is not a God of the emotions but the God of truth. Only that fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it. The sooner this shock of disillusonment comes to an individual and to a community the better for both. A community which cannot bear and cannot survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping its illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community. Sooner or later it will collapse. Every human wish dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren. He acts as if he is the creator of the Christian community, as if his dream binds men together. When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself.

Because God has already laid the only foundation of our fellowship, because God has bound us together in one body with other Christians in Jesus Christ, long before we entered into common life with them, we enter into that common life not as demanders but as thankful recipients. We thank God for what He has done for us. We thank God for giving us brethren who live by His call, by His forgiveness, and His promise. We do not complain of what God does not give us; we rather thank God for what He does give us daily. And is not what has been given us enough: brothers, who will go on living with us through sin and need under the blessing of His grace? Is the divine gift of Christian fellowship anything less than this, any day, even the most difficult and distressing day? Even when sin and misunderstanding burden the communal life, is not the sinning brother still a brother, with whom I, too, stand under the Word of Christ? Will not his sin be a constant occasion for me to give thanks that both of us may live in the forgiving love of God in Jesus Christ? Thus the very hour of disillusionment with my brother becomes incomparably salutary, because it so thoroughly teaches me that neither of us can ever live by our own words and deeds, but only by that one Word and Deed which really binds us together – the forgiveness of sins in Jesus Christ. When the morning mists of dreams vanish, then dawns the bright day of Christian fellowship.

5.30pm Have ¬†had an email from R telling me about how Lhas given him all of his belongings, his chair, his lego his shadow box and my heart nearly stopped instantly my mind went this is what people do right before they try to commit suicide, has T… r ealized this is he on it…why am I on this side of the world when my boy is there ………I am a bad irresponsible mother and I have no business being here…presently I am battling with my mind……remember D…… Testimony last night remember the Lords promise……Lord I am trying but I am scared…….am not living out of him at present but moving towards it….spent the last 15 minutes cooking with my host in order to calm myself….shot off an email to T and L but soon I am going to a brothers and sisters house for dinner when all I want to do is get on a plane and fly home…….

Yet earlier today while in the pool with a sister I mentioned how I really wanted to spend time with ¬†a certain sister who I have only briefly spoken with yet have felt drawn too since the conference, the sister I was with was going to another sisters house and. She invited me along and who should ring and ask to come over but this sister…..As we sat and shared and she shared her story with me telling me of how they came to be in Gainsville I was amazed at her and her husbands faith and hunger for the Lord how He stripped them of everything that was holding them back from having them and how she personally got so depressed until finally she had no where to go but to the Lord and finally she surrendered and the sisters came to visit her and as they entered her home they bought Him with him his peace, his comfort they were him and in them she was ministered to by him…..then she mentioned how He would wake her at a certain time each morning and she would behold him and in that time she came to understand it was not sleep she needed to feel rested but that He was her rest He was what she needed and I was just blown away because in those few words I suddenly had a revelation of what my host had been trying to explain this morning and what the brother the day before had sort to share and this is why dear brothers and sisters it is so important that we share Christ with each other because you have no idea how He will use it in someone else ‘s life As I have sat here typing this my peace has returned He promised and I do believe I heard, thank you Lord for your provision once again before I even knew I would need it, thank you for the sister and her story, you are my peace you are my hope you promised not to let me step over the precipice, You promised that there was a blessing for Laird and I and that the angel of death would pass us by and I choose to believe you and not the lies of the enemy. ¬†I am sat here praising the Lord for His goodness and mercy and His faithfulness, ¬† Why oh why do we ever doubt you Lord why do we listen to the enemy why are we such a foolish people, forgive me Lord. 10.00am Have just been. Sharing with my sister here and she spoke about a sister who had been admitted to hospital and how the body here had made sure there was some one with her in the ICU at all times and not just with her but with her hubby there and they had been praying for here until the lord revealed to them that they were praying in such a way as He was some fairy godmother who dropped healing like fairy dust from heaven down upon the sister when in fact they re the bride of Christ they were to go into her room as the peace as the healing, and as she said this I got it when ¬†I come home and go visit M as the bride of Christ ¬†His peace and healing enter ¬†for her in me, that I dont have to pray now reign it on door I am become healing, peace etc whatever the body needs he has and does provide for me as He did with the young 15 year old brother last night. So sometime yesterday morning while typing the blog i fell asleep and when my family came to get me they found me out to it again so they went to the party and came back and I woke up to find i had missed everything but had a lovely three hour nap also slept through the night so think its safe to say i am now sleeping fine lol. Yesterday after i woke hubby and wife of my host family went grocery shopping while the children and i stayed home they were playing upstairs and i was sat on the couch reading pagan christianity, when the front door opened and a head popped in, it was one of the brothers come to return a book, he came in and we got talking and he I asked him a bunch of questions starting with how he sees the gifts ¬†place in his walk with Christ now and he spoke about how he and many of the others had laid those down and as the Lord chooses he uses them, I asked him about speaking in tongue’s as this was something that when ever I have been distressed, worried etc my first response has been to pray but now that is almost impossible ¬† to do while I heard what he said I dont think I have a revelation of it and will trust that before I leave it will become clearer, for some time now it has been harder to pray when people ask me to pray for things its not that i ¬†don’t ¬†want to or don’t care about the person it is just that I don’t seem to have the ability anymore…then i heard them pray on Saturday for me and it was beautiful but it wasn’t an asking things for me kind of prayer but a declaration of things that are and I sense that He is teaching me in this area too… The brother said yesterday no where in the bible do you see them saying lets go and pray for the sick they simply walk in and say stand up and walk , open your eyes and see they were using the authority they had not asking that it be done….will have to check I have this right too but it made sense During this brothers visit B and R came home and they put the hobbit on TV to watch and as we sat watching it in 3d ¬†Christ was speaking to me and I actually looked around because i was so sure he must be talking to the others about the same things as I was seeing in the movie too, but no it was just to me…… but what he was saying will have to wait till i am home with you. Then ¬†it was time to go to the brothers house, B walked me down and I will admit to being nervous at the thought of spending the evening with the brothers on my own, but when I got there T greeted me at the door and they made me feel so welcome and soon we were eating pizza and drinking Pepsi and I was laughing at their funny stories, i got to share how the lord had brought me to Gainesville and also about L and how hard it was to come but before I could share about what the Lord had done in this regard some more saints arrived ¬†and the conversation moved, but one of the brothers, a teen, said he had something he wanted to share and that he would wait until we had come back to the place of sharing, so while the new saints got food and handed out food (a newly wed couple had joined us) we chatted and Joked and genuinely found out a little bit more about what makes Americans, American and Ozzies,¬† Ozzies then the young brother said he wanted to share and he told his story of being where ¬†my boy is and how he tried to kill him self three times, how it had been for his parents and how his mum had only found peace when she came to that place where she recognized that she had to leave him with Christ that only He could do anything….I thanked him from the bottom of my heart as I could see it had cost him to talk about this despite it being with his brothers and sisters.

The was more laughter and fun and then I walked home with a sister who had arrived towards the latter part of the evening we stopped and shared outside my door and marveled at where He has us both in our lives and learning to live in Him and out of ¬†Him. When I came inside it was to find my family about to watch brave in 3d so i sat with them and at some point fell asleep only to wake to a coffee grinder going in the kitchen ¬†and put myself to bed… So that brings us to now and I am planning to get my bathers and go do some laps to make up for the pizza the first carbs I have eaten since getting here and continue reading psalm 119 which is speaking to my hear big time at present….. i am glad tht the Lord put in the bible the part about eating whatever the folk you are with eat as I have really felt the Lord is changing the way I eat drastically and I have not eaten sugar or carbs since I for here and I continue to loose weight not that this is my objective it is simply He ¬†has changed what I want to eat and how I want to eat, but He also wanted me not to be in bondage….When the brothers said they were ordering pizza my first thought was but Lord I am not eating these things deliberately you have taken that desire away cause you know what happens ¬†and then He brought Paul’s admonition to the saints to mind and I thought okay I trust you Lord that it wont send me of the rails….. By this I mean I have never been able to stop at one Tim Tam or one line of chocolate and I was worried that this would mean i would go back to eating the way i had before ….then when i got there the pizza was so good and i had two pieces but really wanted three but where ¬†once i would have wrestled with myself over this now i simply said lord if its okay to have another piece someone will offer it to me and if not then please remove this desire for another peace, i was offered another piece and i ate it knowing i was living out of his life not mine This might not seem like a big deal but as food has been at the centre of so many struggles and pain from when as a child I was often on a daily basis ¬†hit for ¬†not eating correctly with my knife and fork to as a teen getting so thin that had ¬†anorexia ¬†been known about ¬†then I ¬†probably wouldhave qualified ¬† ¬†for it, ¬†to over the last few years getting slowly bigger and bigger as i tried to cope with life out of my life not His to be set free in this way is life changing…… Tonight I am going to visit with some newly weds and tomorrow night i am somewhere else my time here is coming to and end and i am sad because one there is so much more to learn, but also because these brothers and sisters have become my brothers and sisters and it seems as though i have always known them…..this is in large part because i have chosen to walk in Him and trust Him and not lean to my own understanding……at the same time I am looking forward to the next part, visiting the churches in the East and encouraging them and seeing how i do fresh out of boot camp in walking in Him and living by His indwelling life……and then its finally home to my hubby and children and you guys time now is 7.20 so its-off to the pool before i ¬†go getting mushy again lol August 3rd 2013 So have made piklets for the family and am now getting ready to go to a birthday party of a little girl named Isebella, perfect I know, over breakfast my host asked me what I had thought about the meeting, by the way it was 2 before they called it quits, we talked about what I had observed re everyone sharing and no one feeling the need to comment, correct, enlarge flesh out or dispute another’s giving the fact that they are comfortable with silence as they wait upon the Lord she said but you realize this is because we have been together for so long now and I said yes I had mentioned that in the blog, as I recognized that we didn’t need to put this on ourselves that in the Lord’s time we would reach this place…she went on to speak about how in the beginning there had been those who had over and under shared and as time went on and people walked more closely out of that life that is Him with in HIm and along the way things began to gel, and this is why even when a newbie such as i comes to a meeting they still ¬†so beautifully operate¬†in the Lord ¬†she explained that in the past she too had felt the need to defend herself when she felt misheard but then she came to a place where she recognized it was not her that was offering it was Christ within her and he knew where people were at so she did not need to feel hurt on his behalf or defend what she had brought just as he had not felt the need to speak out when being judged by man when they crucified Him. Double P.S. have just read this through and can see all the many mistakes but this program or using a tablet over a laptop makes changing them long and tortous, so in future I am not going to edit them unless it is really critical apologies for this but if .you could see hwat is needed simply to correct and this week I know is going to be jammed pack so if i am to keepmyou all up todate I need to find a short cut and this is it…Once home where I can use my laptop again I will correct them all so its easier to read ……E thank you once again for the loan of your baby I know how much you use it and what a sacrifice this was to lend it to me but it has been a life line home and a blessing in trying to get this all down.. love you all love me xoxoxoxo 11.42pm originally now its 6.00am and I slept straight through again praise the Lord…..Well dont know where to start ¬†to fill in the last few hours is it with the ¬†brother who came over to hear about the health of the Perth church, the couple that came to have dinner and hear about the Lords work in Perth, and my story of what connect has meant to me, or about the corporate meetingor the ¬†fact that the pavlova was a hit, then there is the fact that tomorrow night I am invited to a ¬†dinner with all the brothers organized by the very fIrst brother I spoke to at connect…..only slightly nervous about that,, normally I would be sick to my stomach just thinking about it for the reasons outlined in an earlier blog now its just because I dont know who is cooking lol ….then ¬†Monday am off to a couples house who are newly married that the Lord has laid on my heart ,to visit with. Then there is the Corporate meeting ……. Firstly they saints in Florida gave me a word for the church in Perth from the Lord, but it is for when I get back there so that will ensure everyone is there for the fist corporate meeting I get back I guess lol ….then they prayed like you would not believe or maybe you would for us as a body the love they bear one ¬† another is also poured out for us and the desire to see this expression of the body of Christ flourish and grow in Him and with Him is as powerful for us as it is to see their part of Him expressed through the body here…they also prayed for me and I finally understood the scripture where Christ turned to see who had touched Him “for power had gone out of him” when they laid hands on me and prayed it was electrical and it just kept building and building and yet again it made me cry the prayer and the words and vision given and spoken over me were such that it was as if years of grime and dirt that covered ¬†my spirit were being washed away and the bride that has always been there was finally being allowed to emerge ¬†…..one of the things at connect this year was waling more closely as a body, connecting more with each expression of his body and also each other and I have floated the idea of their becoming our sister church let me know how you all feel about that they seem keen…… So details as to how the meeting went…..firstly my host family got together for dinner with another family who have children there is usually more but they were not present for reasons I am unsure of work or health I think, older children arrived later, my host family is where the children are baby sat each week, this baby sitter was interviewed by all the parents, back ground checked, prayed about and finally chosen, and the whole of the church pay for this……..the result is the children seem happy to be able to spend time with each other, the youngest was 3 the oldest around 13 meanwhile both parents got too come to the meeting and be fully present …apparently this issue has caused more consternation than any in the many expressions of Christ around the bodies here in America, but what my host has said is that when ever an issue becomes an issue that will divide the body then it is laid down and as it is Christ within the body resolves it in His time ……the result of having no children in the meeting is that the way they do it here it gave yet another opportunity for the families with children to fellowship and partake of christ over dinner and build body life the children saw it as normal and felt safe and happy and the parents were free to participate fully in the meeting……it also meant that at the meeting babies were put into porta cots to sleep in a bedroom of the saints house where the meetings took place and the meeting from start to finish flowed with no interruptions.. The meeting started with singing and oh what singing one person started and others joined in with someone calling out the number , then another would start of the next song and some one else would call out the number, they may not have instruments but they have clapping and feet stomping and fingers clicking and they harmonize and you can tell this is a body that is and has been knit together over time ¬† with, love, time for each other, who knows ¬†each other intimately and with love. ¬† During the singing sometimes a brother or sister would speak out a word, or a passage from the Word, give an exultation sometimes there was pauses these saints are not uncomfortable with silence as part of the worship or meeting, when two or more people started to move at once they would give way to each other, eventually there was silence and the sharing begun starting with what connect had meant to that brother, than a sister spoke and read out a letter from another part of the body to their body, a song was brought on his iPhone and it was played, and I want so very much to bring that song back with me , i wept not cried but wept as it was played it was so beautiful a love song from Him to us…..then a brother shared a dream he had had years ago and how the Lord had brought it to pass at interconect, a sister shared an allegory in story form she is writing that is not yet complete but was beautiful, each person shared in turn and then the next what ever was brought was heard and accepted ¬†there was no judgement from the body of whether it was right or wrong, if it was right for that moment, it was simply accepted as being from the heart of where that member of the body was at and as such they were received with love for the sharing of their heart ¬†and respect for this is their heart they are revealing…….. that the Lord may have yet to give them a fuller understanding ¬†of some aspect of the Christ in us o r renew their mind on something regarding doctrine or reveal an aspect of a scripture they had not grasped yet was irrelevant no one felt the need to correct or explain what they were “missing” ¬†it was simply a case of we are all at different places in the landscape, your here I am here ¬†we are both headed for the same gates in the Celestial city, we are simply using different paths and along the way Christ evens out the bumps in the road . Towards the end a sister wanted counsel on an important matter to her and she was asked to share she had made it known through the week she wanted counsel so the body knew, she posed the question and they sat in silence then one sister stood up and said I have a vision and in it…….. Then another sister spoke then a brother and then another sister asked the sister what was the spirit saying to here and she responded that she felt the Lord was speaking to her through the first sister and that she was prepared to follow the steps in the vision, then another sister said just to clarify the vision was meant for this and this, the sister had thought it was for her to do a lone but it was actually for the body to do with her, she made a quip about being prepared to do it on her own but was mighty ¬†glad it was meant to be the whole body or as many as could or would…then a brother stood and said he wanted to honour Christ in another brother and spoke out of his heart what this brothers example in Christ meant to Him and to them as a body …..obviously there was much much more but the thing I saw most and that stood out for me was that so many different expressions were bought to meeting and that each one was treasured no matter what or how it was presented it was a gift being shared and was treasured as such. After the meeting they all gathered and ate pavlova and either I am the new Maggie Beer or they were just being super nice…they chatted caught up with those they might not have seen and made plans the ¬†gathering broke up about 30 minutes from close ¬†and those with children came back to my host families house, I went to bed at around 11.10 and they were engrossed in conversation and I am pretty sure they were up close to 12 or there after and because its Sunday tomorrow they can all sleep in so the visiting just kept on…..nothing is more important here than the body and any opportunity to behold christ in others I have started to grasp this idea of the bride of Christ and its expression but I don’t have a revelation of it yet and so am praying He will reveal it to me like He did with righteousness, I hear the words I understand the intent but it is not a reality I experience in revelation if that makes sense….there is more to it I know simply by the way the brothers and sisters here speak of it and lie it out…. ¬†you know when others around you have a fuller understanding than you do because you can hear it in their conversations and see them living out of it in their lives while while I know that I know and it has been confirmed time and again by brothers and sisters here that I am living out of that fuller expression of the life in Christ with in me…..well I know there is more to the bride of Christ than I have yet grasped and I mean to get it Lord willing before I leave. P.S. Larr…… suggested we get the body here to include messages in the two albums to send to the other two bodies and I concur with her we are one in the body and two arms of the body reaching out for a hug are better than one what say ye all? 1.10 pm Pavlovas are in the oven and I believe we have lift off they seem to be rising and should be set to go with us to the meeting. Gardening this morning was fun, many hands pitching in laughter, some singing chorus’s, others teasing each othe, i weeded a herb bed edged it and then lay a brick path all before 10 this morning. ¬†To diagress slightly well actually a lot as I was swimming this morning wondering if I should have checked the pool for water snakes first in the pitch black I got to wondering why satan chose a serpent to tempt Adam ¬†and Eve In the garden and when I thought about it it seems to me it wsa because of the way it moves it can strike fast or slowly sneak up and coil around its victim squeezing the life out of them before they know it….. On a different tack talking with B this morning on the way back and she was talking about how they view work now and again I need to hear this again to be able to explain it proply, but they have both chosen jobs that allow them to participate in body life over career or money, this is a personal choice and in doing so they are reliant on the Lords life in then to meet the demands of these jobs which can be well outside their comfort zone. I had thought that the slow pace of life that I love was only possible out in the bush in our little hideaway, but the choices to follow the life of the body, seem to enable the same, this morning when we came back from gardening the family all went swimming but I stayed to shower and start the pavs and as I came out of the bathroom the house was quiet and I felt my spirit and soul go AAaaaah so apparently I have not changed completely. Though I cannot believe that I still feel so good after being around people especially strangers for so long and so much, yet it is like being at home with family, I find it amazing that you can feel so accepted and loved by someone you have only just met , this morning saw me joking with a brother who nearly took out my pinky as though we had known each other always when in fact I had only met him the night before, he is however going down in my memory as he bout peanut butter soup to the dinner, I kid you not, he is however like a giant old teddy a bit like paddington bear. I need a nap before we go so will take this up when I get back from the corp,orate meeting. 5.10 am Fell asleep last night at 9.10 and woke at 4. 50 ¬†and I feel like a new person no coughing no congestion and hopefully no dizziness, by the end of last night I had never felt so tiered in my life. We are gardening today and want to swim before we go to keep up my new exercise, so have two things to share quickly no actually three, the brother I met on the first night at connect came by to tell me that he too now has that fuller understanding of the revelation of what it means when we live by the indwelling life of the Lord that while beholding the bride during ¬†a meeting that this was the bride of christ this experience of seeing Christ in the midst of each believer and walking in Him and by His life ¬†was now clear, he ¬†now feels lead to attend ¬†training as a worker, I am so happy for him he is such a gentle beautiful person. So the brothers have had their meeting and the next one is after ¬†I leave, so instead I am going to dinner at the single brothers house…… can single guys cook? Yesterday I brought a stack of groceries so I could cook a typical ¬†Aussie meal for my host family salmon,chicken lots of fresh greens and sweet potato, so I could make salmon almondine with mango salsa, a big green avodcardo tossed salad and herb chicken with herbs from ¬†the church garden along with buttered mash potato. …. B , the host mum snapped a photo of all the things on the bench and posted it to face book and said this is what it looks like when an Aussie takes over your kitchen next thing she gets a text can we come for supper, then another and then another ¬†in the end I think half the church ended up coming, they all brought stuff with them or ate before they came. i had made loads and loads, He was obviously guiding me when we were shopping on quantities as we had plenty…..but what struck me was they way B said to everyone yes come, Hayley is cooking and this is our dinner, so please bring with you but I am sure there will be enough for you to try some……..so everyone came it was beautiful to ¬† see the children playing darting in and out brothers visiting , sisters chatting and generally just everyone enjoying seeing each other what is funny is that you would think they had not seen each other in ages but as they all live in the complex it had in many cases been either that morning or the day before they simply just love the ¬†Christ in each other. Finally I had finished cooking and it was ready but no one came forward I was told to serve up a plate for myself and sit for the rest of the night, which I did simply because I was too tiered to do anything else, and then the family ate while the saints sat and laughed and chatted but no one touched the food, finally after thinking it must look terrible to them I asked B why no one was eating and she said they are waiting till we have had our fill and then they will eat……and sure enough as soon as B said they were done the saints all dived in the consensus was we Aussies sure know how to cook so it would appear I acquitted our nation on this account at least lol…… Lets just hope I do as well with the pavlova today for the corporate meeting. Off to exercise and thank you all for your prayers I feel like a new person this morning love ¬†you love me.

Entry for August 2nd 2013

8.46 am Have just had breakfast with the dad of my host family and discussed books, movies and how they speak to us of Christ…now I am sat with J and I who are. 9 and 12 and are teaching me all about Pokemon Now mum is up and have read out the part of the blog where I have given you the word pictures and while I have it spot on apparently I have referred to body life as the parking lot and she has said okay thats true but we actually refer to all of life as the parking lot, not just body life because we operate with Him in us in everything, not just body life ….oh and we need to remember that the it we keep referring to is not an it, He is a person and He is Christ.mwcc.

4.11am Morning ūüôā well now I have two emails from home hugs L and M and I am so excited by the content of both which I hope you share with the others there dear dear peoples because that is the body life….trusting the Christ in others to love, accept, care for, over look , extend grace, forgive and so on It is by His life and only His life…Discussing last night with my host family what I have seen and heard living in amongst the saints, I am seeing their struggles their growth and their triumphs they are a group like us some are living more fully by his divine supernatural life than others…..when I first got here I thought of it as it and that there was a divide ¬†between those who had it and those who don’t but it has been made very clear to me by Christ through the saints here that it is not an it, it is Christ that is being manifested, and all saints even those in catholic, anglican, charismatic churches express His life, it is simply some have a fuller expression of that life in their lives than others, that at some point we believers who are walking towards him pressing in expressing His love pass through a veil so that we then understand this is what we are doing, we are now aware of Him living in us directing us enabling us, we are calling on Him, living breathing eating sleeping in Him, however only He decides at which point we walk through that veil. I have said many times since being here that I am a 12 week old baby so people understood where I was coming from, last night it was explained that it is by the depth of His love that is being expressed through you that ¬†reveals the extent of the expression of His life you are walking in……..which for me has meant that the sorrows of the past few months and my need to lean and press into Him has brought me, dragged me to Him as He was and is the only place I knew hope lay…….. ¬†My motivation was often wrong as was my thinking of how to press in but press into him I did and along the way started to live in him… All of the body’s here have a mixture of saints, those who are walking in Him with a fuller understanding and by this I mean expression, walking it out daily as evidenced by the love they bear others, His love not theirs, ¬†through to those whose understanding is lesser, however that does not make them lesser, just as a new born baby is no less loved or valued, who has a strong a right to be called by the family name as the oldest in that family, despite the fact they need to be fed and cared for completely, that is the role of the rest of the family is to nurture the baby till they reach the place where they know their family name, my family name is not Findlay or Ayers it is Christ and at that moment of understanding ¬†my name is ……Hayley In-Christ …….I live according to the rules of my family, except instead of rules see life here…..life in Christ……. Now that being said I am sure that this will still be a mystery for no matter how much I try to explain it , only He removes the veil……which many of the saints this weekend had happen two of which are here in Tennessee, and I am waiting to see if a brother I spoke to from here who was still waiting on that fuller revelation received it during interconnect or if he is still walking towards the gate……. Revelation 21:12 It had a great and high wall, with 12 gates……we are the living stones that make up the wall and coming through these gates are the saints some who have been walking for a while ¬†have now passed through the gate and are among those that make up the living stones that make up his kingdom, others are about to pass through the gate and so see the stones very clearly, others are a little further back and so see the living stones but maybe don’t see all the detail, while those further back see less and less as they have left of their walk towards the city…..Those in the city are no more special or important they have simply were at a different place in the line……. Sometimes people are ¬†sick, or hurt, confused or troubled, pregnant or learning and they stop or trip stumble or give birth, receive healing, pick out a stone from their shoe, it is at these times that those of us who are in the line walking towards the gate need to stay with them and give them a shoulder to lean on or carry them on a litter and lower them down through the roof to the master as they did in the gospels, it is here on the walk that we live in Christ and love are fellow brothers and sisters no matter where they are at with His love , we make the ¬†walk together like the 12 tribes in the dessert under His direction…….we can only go as fast as the slowest member or the tribe just as the Israelites could only travel as fast as the slowest member of their tribe, but just like the Israelites no one gets left behind. The sisters meeting last night I am told was not the “typical meeting” ¬†when we arrived piled in the middle of the room was lots of gear as a sister here is moving and so the sisters were all going through things picking out what they could use or wanted there were many side conversations and every now and again some one ask what did you take away from connect, and as the sisters caught up with each other and satisfied themselves that they had gone through the pile and gotten what they wanted the room quieted down no one was impatient with those who were the last to settle it was simply we will wait….then some one asked a sister to share on something that was on her heart, one of the sisters asked me to share about the gifts we are sending to NSW and Vic which I did and they were all excited by our ideas and plan to steal them with our permission which I said I am pretty sure that will make the sisters back home very happy if you do. I will be here for the next sisters meeting and will then see more of what constitutes body life for the sisters here, but already from talking to people ¬†from other bodies at the conference I know body life looks very different in California to here…..they are living organically out of Him and it is not about finding a better way to do church but about living in Him and so each body expresses him slightly differently….we have been given a framework from which to start to build around our expression of the body however it is organic which means it grows but like all plants it always follows the Son and His life… as I type this it occurs to me I will be here for the next brothers meeting and as terrifying as this thought once might have been, and I don’t know if its possible, appropriate etc I will ask tonight if I can simply come along to the next one and observe so I can share this too with the brothers at home ….boy cant believe I could even begin to consider doing this……I must really love you guys lol. Corporate meeting is tomorrow night so will be able to report back then but as far as planning goes they are planning things for next year already for their autumn everything from family camps to sisters retreats…those who live here in cricket (the name of the complex) don’t meet together so regularly that they don’t knock on each others doors, but when they come they bring….e.g we went to a sisters house and took not just a packet of tim tams but a literal glass of milk so that the sharing takes place but the other saint is not constantly providing food simply a home and a heart to take the burden off each other….and Elsa if you are reading this I am getting the message loud and clear…..:) The single sisters home is 10 minutes from here and one of the sisters is an ecologist who has turned the back garden into a vegetable garden the saints all contribute a little money for seeds and under her direction they are all working in the garden to produce food that they then all enjoy, I am going over Saturday to be part of the work crew to lay the ground work for their fall garden and yes ¬†I am already thinking Fairhaven can do the same ¬†if the body wants tooo we could certainly do it for the guest house ¬†so its up and the body can start to use it…and by the body we are going to be getting visitors like me staying with us in the very near future…there is such is the hunger to share.

Well its now 5.40 and so I am going to get up thank you for the emails, I knew in my heart I was loved just needed to see a tangible expression of it though… Pray the pavlovas turn out ¬†ūüôā

1.30am. Okay I am definitely in boot camp now, learning to walk out my life living by the indwelling life of Christ and not by my feelings, the thoughts ¬†that assail you, or the circumstances you are in e.g. This afternoon the sisters came over and were just hanging but not a lot was happening and I started to feel okay your now just a nuisance they have to put up with for the next 9 days , why did you make his part of the trip so long you are just a burden to the host family, blah blah, even the folks back home have forgotten ¬†you this was such a dumb idea to come. ¬†I was starting to entertain these thoughts when the battery went flat on the iPad Elsa lent me so I left the room to come up stairs to put it on charge and on the way got really dizzy, so when I got to my room I lay down And the next thing I knew I was being woken up to go to the sisters meeting I had slept four about 4 hours straight…meanwhile there was my host obviously happy to see me and saying dinner is ready we are leaving shortly for the sisters meeting yada yada ya….. Turns out I am not a pain in the but, I am just exhausted and an easy target for satan at that moment in time. So the day has been sent looking for emails from both my families HINT HINT! ūüôā going to the pool at the crack of dawn to swim, sitting with the sisters sharing, sleeping going to sisters meeting and then home to share with my host family and then with just the sister after the family went to bed. One of the things I have not shared is about how I prayed at interconnect that I would not be a coward anymore, that when He gives me something to do or speak I would do it, so when people here have asked me to share parts of my my journey I have done so while trying to keep it simple and short….however today especially I have have b een bombarded with lies from the enemy about what a show off I am ¬†and how I need to be quieter, however as was pointed out to me this evening by my sister you are not showing off you you are showing ¬†the Christ in you and hence the reason he wants to silence you. This trip is as much about brining supplies/provisions for the body here as it is for us back home , though having said that it feels funny to be thought of someone with experience ¬†worth hearing about, but then again its the Lord in those experiences they are asking for and its not about me However at this point it is around 2 am and Despite my nap I need to crash will resume in a few hours.

Entry for August 1st 2013

7.00am. ¬† So I am back from my swim and emailing and I had a mental image of electricity ¬†jumping from one person to another like static electrify does, this ¬†is what it is like each time I meet with a brother or sister here whether I know them or not…His life in me recognizes his life in them and so this jump occurs…remember how we did the stones in the river exercise, well even though I did my best on that one I really didn’t get it stones being lobbed in the water new stones on the side, baptizing myself made no sense at all to me just another goofy thing He had me do….. But now I see it in a different light, when we were all on mass in Tennessee each living stone was apart of the wall that makes up His kingdom city, and the enemy simply ¬†cannot prevail against Him……now we are scattered but we are still one, ¬†my heart/spirit that part of Him that is me and me in Him ¬†longs for that corporate presence, yet each time I meet with a brother or sister and share Him in me with them ¬†their is a sense of that, yet not the same, I am very very curious to see what it is like on Saturday at their corporate meeting….. Some of the teaching here is simply blowing my mind and I want to share it but I need to hear things a few times before I can explain it to others so I don ‘t want to share what in particular till I have a firm grasp on it, at present I am stretching out my hand and I can just touch √≠t, but have not been able to clasp just yet ¬†it if that makes sense. I know I have said it already but I want to say it again, when this all started I so did not want to come and do any of this, if I seemed ungrateful for the sacrifice each of you made to get me here I apologize and ask you to forgive me….. The gift that you have given me is beyond comparison or value and the fact that you have all given this gift to me makes you so very precious to me, so thank you from the bottom of my heart…….I know I know I am disgustingly soppy these days, I cry, hug and talk to strangers at the drop of a hat ¬†not sure what you will do with me when I get home. 2.00am Well my ¬†throat is good, but the dumb cough is back apart from this I am good, I have had 3 and a half hours sleep since last night and will go back to sleep after this before I get up to swim so physically I am good to go….. Spiritually I am now in boot camp learning to walk out this living ¬†by the indwelling life of Christ. It is so easy and yet at the same time hard, living in Him makes life so rich and exciting and organic , the hard part is remembering to keep choosing to walk in Him and when I say hard it actually isn’t yet, but I think once I am home and back in the current of the wold it will be a different story not impossible just the place where I go from being a baby to where others feed me to needing to feed myself by partaking of Him . So I have moved house and am now with a family, ¬†I spent the day and about three hours of it, I would say, partaking of Christ with a sister and it was only as I sat sharing my testimony leaving nothing out, how I came to be in organic church, ¬†my walk, ¬†including how damaged and why, my journey with T and the children and how I came to be here in Gainesville and where our part of the body is at that for the first time I got to really see how Christ has been working weaving and binding calling and leading me… the sister I am with is rich in His wisdom and gave me a couple of word pictures for body life that ¬†resonate with my spirit: Body life is like a ¬†parking lot there are a lot of spaces in the car park and they are all good some are choicer places to park but so long as they are all in His car park that ¬†is all that matters, it is only when you are parking outside on the street ¬†that things are not okay, when you are in direct contravention of His commandments, not mans, but His….so here there is a large percentage of saints doing a paelo lifestyle ¬†others doing american and a small number doing vegetarian……they are all in the car park ¬†taking up the parking space Christ has directed them too and so there is no right or wrong choice or need to persuade others to their way of thinking…and so their is no conflict…and come meals they all bring what they want to eat and get on with fellowshipping and partaking. The next ¬†is we walk by His life not ¬†His light, that there ¬†is no I have it you don’t have it, ¬†as it is in reality Christ which we all have, it is simply that as we choose to live by ¬†more and more of His life than ours we move closer to the street lamp that is Him and as we do more of His life is given to us to see and as it is we choose more of His life and less of ours and so we more light is shed on our understanding and so we seek more of His life on and so on. As I spend time with these saints who having been walking out living by the indwelling life of Christ for three years now personally and in community I am been given language to describe what it is that occurred to me 12 weeks ago…. 1 Corinthians 13:12

Now we see – Even the things that surround us. But by means of a glass – Or mirror, which reflects only their imperfect forms, in a dim, faint, obscure manner; so that our thoughts about them are puzzling and intricate, and everything is a kind of riddle to us. But then – We shall see, not a faint reflection, but the objects themselves. Face to face – Distinctly. Now I know in part – Even when God himself reveals things to me, great part of them is still kept under the veil. But then I shall know even as also I am known – In a clear, full, comprehensive manner; in some measure like God, who penetrates the centre of every object, and sees at one glance through my soul and all things.

At some point, and it is of His choosing not ours when that is, the veil is removed and we begin to see there is a street lamp and we start to move towards it, it was always there we were always living under its light but we were not walking towards it  and to walk towards it you must walk by the indwelling life of Christ more and more and more.

Tomorrow I will get the sister to read this section and make sure I am expressing this for want of a better word correctly….meaning explaining it so it brings life not condemnation or compulsion to conform to my perception.

There is another part I want to put in here to flesh things out but I need to hear her again to be able to express this part more accurately so will come back to this………….

………………..and this is where the frustration lies in part in our body I believe a lack of language to impart but all that is needed is His love , patience and abiding in His time and will….

1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

Love is patient,

True love is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on the attributes or lack thereof of the person loved, therefore, it is willing to give as much time necessary, and as much space as necessary for that person to grow. love is kind and is not jealous; Love seeks to give others something of benefit for their welfare, and consequently, rejoices when they do benefit . love does not brag and is not arrogant, To lift one’s self up in reference to others leaves no room for unconditional, graceful love. does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, To act inappropriately, shamefully (morally, especially in the area of sexual purity) is not in accordance with true love. Love never seeks it’s own gratificaiton but rather the interests of others. is not provoked, Selfishness seeks to manipulate others by stimulating certain selfish emotions. Love will not do this to others, nor will it let it happen to itself. does not take into account a wrong suffered, Forgivenss. Let it go. Bitterness is the acid. You are the container. Get rid of it or it will kill you. does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; Love does not somehow gloss over things that are going to be hurtful. True love originates from the truth. bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. If love really is unconditional, it will hold any weight, face any doubt, persist through hopelessness, and last any trial. Love never fails… If it did, would it be love? But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love. Someday, faith will not be needed, for we will see God. Hope will not be needed, for when everything is fulfilled, there is no need for hope. But love, yes, to it there will be no end. If it did, it wouldn’t be love. Try inserting Christ’s ¬†life in me ¬†when you read this section out loud where it say’s love instead so now that it is 3 am and this is a sermon any anglican or charismatic priest would ¬† be proud of re length I am going to try and go back to sleep lol xoxo

 Entry for July 31st 2013

So first up I need prayer for healing as yesterday I woke with a sore ¬†throat that this morning feels as though I have hundreds of splinters in my throat, this is no surprise nor is it a deterrent to stop me sharing and partaking of Christ with the saints here……because I am nowsharing lots ¬† of one on one time with the sisters and the brothers here and I want to protect their privacy I am going to put a lot of what is occurring now on the parallel blog to this one I am writing which I will print out and bring to the corporate meeting when I get back…..but it is just as He said the provisions are also for here as well as for us back home. Today I am moving house and am going to stay with a family in a gated complex where a large. Number of the saints all live, the use of texting here to invite each other for anything and everything is mega, no opportunity for fellowship is missed and ¬†I can see I am going to have to do something about my phone ….This was raised at connect, the place that technology has to pay in the body but it was not until I got here and saw. It in action that I understood and maybe you guys do it now and I am just out of the loop I don’t know but it certainly helps facilitate much of the fellowship that has made this portion so beautiful to behold. Since being here, things the Lord gave me thirty years ago are now making sense, but these I need to share with Tom first needles to say though I am excited by the future He has in store for both Tom and I. However my throat is really starting to bother me so I am going to make a hot honey drink will fill you in as the day progresses. Entry for July 30th 2013 So spent the day with one specific sister and then did dinner withher husband and another brother and saw Christ at work yet again through out the day however, I am shattered so will have to update when I wake up at 3.am lol……..needless to say another amazing day ¬†night night So the time is 2.55 am and I am awake again, I actually don’t know how I am functioning at this point and I suspect this is probably reflected in my spelling and grammar , I am struggling for words when talking I can still see the pictures for the words but not the letters that go with them, please pray that His will for my sleep is done……however on waking and calling out Jesus we resumed the lesson just before bed. ¬†That is that say take the event of the last course correction where I had to adjust my sails and tack to head back into the Holy Spirit ,see river of life here, ¬†that if I spoke/speak less I will hear the hearts of the saints, the sister joked about being the only one I didn’t want to do time with on her own and we all laughed, yet at the same time this was a clue that she needs Christ in me given to her, not me in my strength trying to make her feel loved and not rejected, simply allow Him in me to flow and be prepared that maybe I might need to do more kooky stuff or give more out of Him to her. Have just done a quick calculation and since leaving home I have slept a total of 22 hours give or take a little, so today I need to buy some b12 and that will help with my speach problem while I wait on Him for the ability to sleep again. I have had some beautiful emails from Tom and the kids, Beth’s are so precious to me, Tom is missing me, and Laird ¬†is doing really, really well and is now sort of running things by the sound of it. The funny thing is though there are times when The love inside for them and for you guys is so great I wish you were here so I could hug you or tell you to your face I am not missing anyone because you are here with me don’t know if that makes sense to you or not….anyways I am going to try reading and see if I can fall asleep again before I get up to spend conscious time in and with him before the day starts. Yeah fell back asleep after about 10 pages and woke at 7.30 ¬†ūüôā Just remembered something else from connect to share the day I went out for Indian with a group after we came back I went up stairs to check foremails and freshen up and then wanted to go and find the others….not the ones necessairily from lunch but any others so went back down and found a seat in the lobby and sure enough he bought a sister I have felt drawn too along and we went out for dinner. The other thing that stands out is that usually I am very specific, even if I don’t sayaything about howI like things done and where things go, just ask Beth about my linnen cupboard, but now weather its food, plans, etc I really couldn,t care and Beth if you readingthis it doesn’t mean I wanttocome hometo a linnen closet rebellion lol. ¬†it just means that the details of things are really irelevant to me , its about being with others and doing what ever to enable theneeds of others tobe met to enable fellowship to take place…you know how water finds its ownlevel well thats what its like its a knowledge that things will sort themselves if we look to Him and then we can still stay in the river which is His life in us and his life in each other…the river of life bouncing over rocks around bends in the road,sudden drops in the river beds around land rising up out of the bed or the tree that has fallen across the river simply going under it….This river is not a quiet gentle flowing stream it is alive, pulsating with life, energy moving constantly, there are no stagnant sections…..but at any point if you are not adjusting for the current you can find yourself beached on a bank watching it pass by, but in the river. You can not drown or loose control, its simply that you know you can relax in the current and allow it to lead you as it will. Is this making any sense to anyone I am really trying to paint a picture of life in the spirit but it really is so difficult words are so inadequate for what this is it is not a feeling though it is, it is not a mindset, though it is it is not my will that enables me to stay the river, just my choice. So now that I have burbled on I am going to go have breakfast and my Jesus garden time…..which reminds me last night I opened a bag of cashews poured some in my hands and then heard you’re not hungry you’re tiered, ask me to sustain you, so I did and the nuts went back in the bag same thing when I woke in the night the nuts were calling across from the kitchen, but I simply asked him to sustain me and He did. Entry for July 29th 2013 P.S. Forgot to mention the first house am staying at ¬†has an organic garden so I spent the last part of this arvo helping two sisters move stuff from one garden to another, and trying new plants and giving them ¬†some tips on things that have worked for us……then we were off to another sisters house for dinner and met up with two other sisters, I have not laughed so much in so long I literally had tears down my cheeks and was holding my sides cause they hurt so much, I am going to a sisters meeting this week and they have their corporate meeting on saturdays, tomorrow is washing day and then to the pool to meet and hang with more sisters. These are sisters I met when we came home who were hanging here there is a fluidity to the way they live and interact that is amazing to watch unfold, the brothers were meeting tonight and so some of the wives did dinner together, tomorrow night is scrabble night and they are under the illusion I will be an aid in beating a brother who usually wins…lol Also forgot to tell you about a little experiment I did this arvo in the coffee shop, they had been playing music the whole time I was there and I really liked it but did not recognize any of the songs or the type of music, and I wanted to know who it was so I could get Tom to download some for me. ¬†However, it was a guy behind the counter and now normally I would just have left it, but I thought well if I can interact with the brothers maybe I can do the same with non brothers. Turns out I can and not the least bit weird or uncomfortable. Coming here after connect is/was a good plan because its like a gentle reentry to every day life and does this carry over from the conference…..yes it does, but where heaven is clearly manifested on the planet and we get to live it for a brief period of time effortlessly, now it is still there and there is no awkwardness when you walk into a complete strangers home, not all the brothers and sisters from here could go so I have not met many of them or even the ones who did go, and hug and start chatting as if it is you have known them forever, what I am finding is that I am now starting to need to make conscious decisions not to listen to the usual brain talk, ¬†e.g. Making a judgement about something based on past experience, ¬†recognizing that the minute I choose to listen to ¬†the voice rather than live in the body I start to feel a shift in my spirit. For instance one of the sisters asked if I wanted to hang out with her and I said sure thing I want to hang out with everyone, she laughed and went oh so you don’t want to hangout with just me it’s I’ll hang with everyone, but not you on your own…..there was lots of laughter and I knew she was just teasing and it was fine…then a little later two of the sisters went off to a room and the voice began they are talking about how rude you were etc etc…..I could either entertain the idea or I could respond as I did “this is my sister in Christ she wouldn’t do that and move on, at that moment I felt my spirit shift back to its prior course in ¬†looking to Him and not my sister and His peace and joy didn’t go anywhere. Have just had a conversation with a sister about this in between typing the last paragraph but am just too tired to type any more have to leave that for tomorrow have been up since four and it is now 20 past eleven and I need sleep.:)

Entry for July 29 2013

Well as you can see it is Monday morning and I am now in Gainsville Florida, apologies for no entry yesterday but literally no time to yesterday…….

4.00 am rise and shine down to the gym walk for thirty minutes then swim laps, no spa this morning back up to the room  shower wash hair, pack bag down to breakfast.

7.am Spot one of my shooting buddies and we chat about everything under the sun and I buy him breakfast, later he gave me two of his self published writings, one open at the poem he wrote after his wife’s death it is beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time in light of this weekend. ¬†Then up stairs to pack. ¬†Just after I finished there was a knock on the door and Louise appeared a conversation followed that I will share when we are all together, however the outcome was there was to be no sharing from the Perth group at the meeting later that morning more than that I would ask that you simply trust Him that this was the way it was meant to be. Next it was downstairs to head to the meeting and tee up my ride back to Florida……….just at present I am sat in ¬†a Uni campus coffee house that is profit free listening to a country song sipping iced tea marveling at the fact I have space and time to simply be and its all down to Christ living and moving through you guys back home…I don’t think I will ever be able to share how precious is the gift you have given me and how grateful and thankful ¬†I am ¬†all encouraged and helped me to be obedient to His call…..Simeon you have no idea how your email has affected my life, those of my family ¬†and our body both now in the future…I know you felt out there sending it but I want to encourage you to listen to the Lord and when He gives you things to share with us then just go for it and trust Christ with in you that as HE lives in us we will continue to love and care for you even when you get it wrong, and you will, and that our father has even the mistakes and fumbled beginnings of our walk in His son under control…cause He does. Sorry for that little digression so back to the previous thread… I started getting those I have connected with at this connect to sign my target sheet and write down their email address! So I can keep in contact with these brothers and sisters in Christ and so I can frame it and put it up as a daily reminder or the bride of Christ , the living stones that make up the eternal city and how only walking with Him in others will we truly function as the bride. Then it was in the meeting and hopefully some of you will have seen the streaming and been as touched as I was by the gifts that were ¬†brought¬†forward, as I sat there I had a deep peace about not sharing the poem and song you all sent, I believe that this too will and is working things out as part of His work in our body…I can not begin to explain what the different gifts delivered felt like and how they touched ¬†me and became a part of me changing me from the inside out, threading that chord in me that I now know is Him in me even more deeply into every fibre of my being…. Then there was a message from Him for us the body of Perth by one of the other bodies, which in short said fear not and don’t run as the foundation that is Him has been established in Perth…..and yes I started crying I am becoming spectacularly good at it . Then a few more gifts and then a ¬†hymn was called that I have been singing from within the bowls of the hotel each morning ¬†at 4am from the spa and I smiled thinking about me in the pool at 4.am speaking out Him while others slept. Then a sister shared, then a brother and then I felt to stand and share very briefly, but what a sharing, no should I, shouldn’t I, no knocking knees, churning stomach, no dry mouth and choking sensation in my throat, no knot of pain in my chest no sweating hands…..and yes this is what happens ¬†or did happen physically every time I have shared or spoken up in a corporate meeting…..but this time it was simply stand and share my heart with these my brothers and sisters in Christ whom we share eternity with….This is the bride of Christ and she is beautiful, without spot or wrinkle, not just words that are said, hollow and glib, but a living breathing bride that is beyond description. Then all to soon I am in a car with two brothers and two sisters I have not met making the journey to Florida 10 hours a way….and I kid you not it felt like half an hour to me….and they also kept saying we cant believe how fast the time has gone traveling back…. We laughed, joked, partook of Christ, shared, counseled, laughed, ate, teased and bantered and by the time we reached home it was as if we had always known each other which we had in Him. ¬† They said no to my contributing to the fuel and I was fine with that and they let me buy them dinner. During the ¬†trip they asked me what was one of the things I was taking away with me from this connect that was significant to me, and I found myself sharing my experience of Christ healing me of my problem with the brothers, now apart from the fact I felt no fear sharing this when it was so personal with people who I had only known a few hours it turns out that one of the sisters in the car has struggled with this ¬†same issue and thanked me for sharing this as it had blessed her in her own walk…. Finally time to drop of ¬†two of the brothers and one of the sisters before going to our house…for a mere fraction of a second I had the choice of whether to hug or not, but in that instance I knew I had a choice to go forward and walk as that new creation or go backwards….no competition really go forwards big hug to brother number 1 and then 2 and in return a thank you for our hugs and I knew that they knew and were feeling and seeing Christ in me and I in them. A small drive and we are the, they have just moved in and they have not even had a chance to unpack and now here I am sleeping on their fold out bed in the lounge amongst the jumble of furniture and boxes, condiments and bags….sheets are found but have rips in the corners, but I saw that not, all I saw was love to make me feel welcome despite the chaos and I thought this is the bride more concerned for my comfort than annoyed that in the midst of everything they now had to accommodate me. It also helped me to see that while a clean house or a lovely meal are good to share with the saints better ¬†beans on toast in a home with dishes in the sink than a brother or sister than to turn them a side cause things are in a state, if it really bothers you ask them to help you clean up or cook and partake of Christ while you do. I slept like a log till 4 and then I woke and read, made a cup of tea, again not something I would have had the freedom to do in someone else’s home I had just met, then as the sun started to come up went outside to partake of Him, to read out the scripture, to pray for you dear ones at home and to simply worship him and ask Him never to never let me turn and walk away From Him Then I remembered I had a sewing kit in my bag so I mended the sheet and then my sister arose and we went shopping for breakfast, cashews, strawberries,nectarines,salmon,blackberries, cherries, grapes, avocado and peach’s , she has just asked if I want lunch but I am still full from breakfast, once back at the house we share our stories, as this is a different sister to the one I came home with this is the fist time I have met her, as she got in after we were asleep and again it is as if I have known her all my life, there is no need of etiquette here, this is my sister and I know Christ in her and she Him in me….. which leads me to here as she is a Phd¬†student and she needs to work and so I spend my time writing to you sharing what it is He is doing. I have not checked this out with Tom yet, but could you all see if you can come to our place on the Sunday I get back so I can share, if not a problem I will come to you where ever are scheduled to meet. In the meantime if you can’t feel the love from here from me to you it’s not from lack of it….. xoxoxoxo Entry ¬†for July 28th 2013 I am just back from a southern pub where we sat outside, this is the first night I have gone out after the meeting normally I head for the room and try to catch up on my sleep, most mornings I wake at 4am at five I head down to the gym and after walking I head to the pool where I have a worship time in the acoustically excellent spa…….hard life but someone has to do it lol and then back to the room, shower, change and go down for breakfast. The ladies now pull out the lady grey as soon as they see me…..by 7.00am the others are starting to stir and then its see who the Lord is partnering me with today…. However I am digressing somethings are on the other blog some have to be told in person but I feel to share this one now as I think if I leave it to long I will chicken out and I feel it is important to share this, not just for our body as it is now, but for how it may be in the future when others join us. ¬† So here goes……. As previously mentioned I find and you will have observed interacting with people has been hard even more so when it’s men any men, as Tom will tell you, when I first started coming to church One of my biggest things was what to do about all the hugging and the brothers…it wasn’t personal it was my past…I shared in my testimony that the first 12 years of my life I was abused but did not say who, it was my dad and because of this it damaged me emotionally mentally and spiritually, ¬†as I grew up before I gained all this weight men were always coming on to me and so in my world men were dangerous and there was only one way to interact with them and that was to avoid them. Then I met my Tom, gentle and caring and we got married But despite my loving him he was a man and dangerous because unlike all the others he wasn’t going anywhere and he wanted ¬†under my guard ¬†and into that part of me that was protected….and so began the eating and slowly putting on weight ¬†in order to create some distance between us….. This has gone on for years and years and I have always tried to keep men at a distance a few such as Charlie and Brendon have managed to get a little closer than most but for the most part it has been pull up the drawbridge anytime I felt threatened and when I say threatened it didn’t take much for me to feel that way. ¬†So when I first started coming a big part of my fear was this gradually the Lord started work on this (not that I realised this was what he was doing) It started with Mike his lending me cds to listen to which literally fed my spirit, but at the same time I became concerned because I found myself liking him and that alarmed me and so I made a point of avoiding him. ¬†….for which I humbly apologize Mike…..Then I discovered Michael and I both shared a love of star trek and a shared history of music and again I found myself being drawn to him and again was confused…… Then after the meeting ¬†tonight the brother who took me shooting and I got talking and I realised I really like this person , at which point my room mate said we are going to the pub are you going to join us tonight? ¬†And as I had said I would on the last night I went along and found myself at the end of the table with all the women at the other end and me with my shooting buddy on one side and two other brothers, who had encouraged me to speak up in the first meeting I had been too and to my utter ¬† horror I ended up crying when I shared (crying in front of you guys is bad enough, but to do it in a room full of strangers horrendous ) but these two big burly brothers said thank you for sharing and hugged me and for the first time ever no awkwardness or desire to run a million miles when a male touched me. So now these two brothers are sat on the other side of me and we are laughing and joking and making smart alec comments and I am having fun and really enjoying myself when one of them looked up and said your really okay…now this situation is not normal for me anyways, but a comment from a man about any aspect of me has always made me feel really really uncomfortable and would see me backing up as fast as I could….but tonight nothing and then the Lord showed me that these are my brothers in Christ they will not harm me that I don’t have to be afraid to like them and enjoy their company I was safe, that it was okay to laugh at their jokes, to sit talking with them instead of the sisters and not worry that anyone would misinterpret the situation……..That as many of the saints are men I needed to love and accept them the way I do my sisters……. SInce being here I have lost 4 kilos and my eating has changed drastically again as I was sat there listening to the banter (I am in the land of candy and nothing but protein fruit and veggies have gone past these lips.. Next I heard Him say its okay to loose the weight now Hayley ¬†you don’t have to use it as a defense anymore, which will make my hubby very happy as he has been very worried about my health for a long time. So to end off tonights blog I would simply like to say to the brothers please forgive me if I have offended or hurt you with my standoffish ways and know that it was not personal but more than that ¬†I am glad you are part of the body And my brother in Christ. and now I have to hit the hay just cant keep my eyes open.

Entry for July 27th 2013

Okay to carry on from last night I swear I could hear angelic voices singing with us, and no I don’t think it was jet lag…there was something about the singing that was simply amazing and I was sorry when it was over . ¬†A large group went across the way to a ¬†bar ¬†afterwards but I did not have a peace about going so I stayed behind and started reading one of the books I bought last night ¬†on women in the church by Jon Zens, very enlightening. So was up at 4.30am got dressed very quietly, I now have a room-mate and went down to the gym and walked and then went swimming, don’t know if I mentioned Christ has been speaking to me about my health and I have been slowly changing things as HE leads me to, well on the ¬†plane coming across HE said watch this documentary on fasting and so I did and felt him say okay this is for you, it’s not straight out no eating will explain when I get home in full, and while not the purpose of what HE is doing it is a side effect according to the gym scales I am 3 kilos lighter…but more important I feel better…so it looks like I will be joining the lots of vegie and some proteiners amongst us lol However, I am digressing this morning at 5 in the morning the cook used the back way to the kitchen and heard me praise and worshiping in the pool, absolutely amazing acoustics so I was more than a little enthusiastic… Up shot is I got a big beaming smile with my breakfast this morning. Am off to find the saints and see whats next…………… omG but not in a bad way, but how wonderful and utterly perfect is your timing next person I spoke with for over an hour before the first session shared about her dark night of the soul, it was just like Laird’s experience and where he is at mirroring each other and yet here she was radiating ¬†Chris’s life in her as we spoke my peace for Laird just grew and grew…… HE knows what HE is doing, in turn as I shared about an experience I was having that tied in with the irritation of pearls from last night if you saw the streaming, met her where she was at. After talking with this sister I went to the lobby and saw the brother from last night sat with two other brothers I walked over said morning and joined the conversation.¬†And I wasn’t the least bit scared…..I have to get ready to go to next session but so much more to tell you…..first session was just what we needed as a body, lunch I went with a group, in which I knew no one and then over lunch agreed to go shooting with two brothers …..and it feels like I have known these people all of my life listening to them pray for our body this morning was beautiful these complete strangers love you as much as if they were in our section of the body……cant wait to see what is going to happen next wait till I tell you about seeing Christ in learning to shoot a gun. Okay it is 9.11 here and the last session of the day is still going but lack of sleep has got the better of me and I am off to bed, but thought I would tell you about shooting a 40 Calibre ¬†Smith and Western , not just once, but 50 rounds into a target on a gun range. ¬†Over lunch I was sat next to a brother who was talking about his experience of what its like to pass through the vail and not be able to explain the life that is now in you to another and yet when you meet another because they have experienced it too they get it and as we sat there talking about our experiences i felt a growing bond with this brother which is just not me? I didn’t feel awkward or shy, threatened or intimidated the way I always have in the past, you may have noticed that I found it hardest to communicate with the brothers in our body that I didn’t know before joining…..and what I just realised is that Christ is dealing with this on this trip…….at the end of lunch I said that I would like to pay for his lunch something I may have normally wanted to do if I knew and was with an old friend, but would never get up the courage to say, but this just came out and he accepted so gracefully. ¬†A few minutes later he asked me if I had ever shot a gun, and now I can hear Charlie laughing at this point me shooting a gun when our ¬†home is a haven for wildlife horror of horrors….then he asked me if ¬†I would like to go to a gun range nearby and learn to shoot one, one of the other brothers was invited too along with another sister, but she declined so now here I am going of to shoot a gun with not one but two men I had only met over lunch…….. Once at the gun range it got very real very quick, when I agreed I was thinking of TJ our eldest and what he would say as he is always trying to get me to take an interest in them, but ¬†as I watched the movie on the do’s and don’ts, signed the waiver, and boy was it a waiver to beat all waivers, my heart started to pound and my mouth was drier than a dust bowl…..so with safety gear on we went on to the range and while we were getting ready someone else fired a gun and I literally jumped behind the other brother, then I was watching¬†the first brother load show me how to pull back the top piece and how to grip it and then how to fire it , 8 rounds later it’s my turn. ¬†I go through all the steps my heart is now pounding like an Edinburgh ¬†Tattoo and I fire it and as I do I screamed at the noise and ¬†at the kick back from firing it but I have done it only eight more rounds to go or so I thought…. But our brother had bought two boxes so I would really get a chance to learn how to shoot and apparently I was not bad despite my total fear…. 50 rounds later I had stopped being scared and I could load the gun and empty it by myself…..though my arms were very sore by the end, these things are heavy. Once back at the hotel he told the others about my jumping and screaming and they all had a good laugh and then he asked me to tell him how I could behold Christ in the experience…..but my mind was blank from just too much excitement……and then he said its like your walk with Christ when you first started you were scared and shaky but as you continued you got more confidant and you lost your nerves…..and now as I am thinking about it I can see too that I needed these two saints to help me get through my fear to walk along side of me just as we all do when walking in Christ and that as he knits us together ¬†as a family we become so much stronger and able to follow Christ as a body than we ever can as singles. ¬†So now you my family at home are even more precious to me because of these two brothers. Night night


Entry for July 26th 2013

After waking I went downstairs and as I was walking away from the elevator this voice behind me said Hayley from Australia, even from behind I knew it was you….yep it was Mary……and yes she got a hug lol. she introduced me to some people and I met some of the people I will be staying with and driving back with. ¬†As people were registering ¬†I wandered over and a brother introduced himself, I got my badge and went and sat at a table and sat observing people When the brother from the que ame over and asked if he could sit down we started chatting …He started off by telling me a little about himself turns out he is a therapist like me and I think he might be the male version of me……Out of no where he said that what he was hoping to get out of this weekend was the knowledge “is this the church ” as in is this the place he was meant to be he has been in the church three years but said he knew that others in the church had a revelation of Christ that he didn’t¬†……..yet…..so I shared my experience and a little about our body and encouraged him not to feel pressured that in Christs right time HE will lead him through the veil and that until then you simply have to press in as much as you can……..he said he felt that it was no coincidence that we had met, he was right it was a Godincidence…..at which point I said that I needed to eat breakfast despite¬†the fact it was 6:30 in the afternoon and he said I have some boiled eggs how many would you like , two please so off he went and got them……remind me later to explain why even this was a major small miracle on my part. I am not sure what time it is but I am going downstairs to mix but I wanted you to know we heard right I am meant to be here and it is for all of us there is so much more to share will right more tomorrow morning. I love you all

Entry for July 25th 2013

It is 1.30am in the morning and I have had a couple of hours sleep, but now I am wide awake And thinking about things so far. ¬†Louise and a brother from here, Jamal, met me at the airport, ¬†I had the biggest hug ever from Louise with enough, I am so glad to see you full of love in it than you can imagine. ¬† Being me I greeted Jamal with a tiered smile and a handshake. ¬†During all the preparations I was sent an email about arranging pickup from the airport, my first reaction was oh no I want to slip in quietly, head to the hotel, swim in the pool and basically gather myself before hand…….if some one meets me I will be in the thick of it before I get my bearings. However, Christ within me said I am sending you to be in the thick of it , so I sent details off, but didn’t ¬†¬†hear anything back ¬†so as a back up simply planned to use the free hotel shuttle service. Louise and Christ had other plans though ūüôā and after a little sleuthing on her and James part found out when I was coming in and she came to get me. ¬†Which brings me to my next thought ¬†the rather awkward hug I gave Jamal on their leaving once I was settled in…..over the last few weeks as I have started to walk more in Christ hugging my brothers and sisters in Perth has become not something I try to avoid, but something I actually enjoy doing though I grant you it is probably still awkwardly given. ¬†But that was my family who I have gotten to know and started to love, the people here are strangers, but ¬†I hear Him saying are they? Jamal is your brother in Christ and he loves you as I do and like the brothers back home love you, think about it Hayley………………revelation moments later He’s my brother in Christ I can be as glad to see him as I am now to see Michael, ¬†Mike or any of the my brothers……”Oooooooooh I get it “. ¬†So tomorrow or rather today. I will be giving a warm hug to Jamal and to my other new brothers and sisters starting with the sister who is going to bunk in with me. So before the battery dies I ¬†need to get a power converter tomorrow, I will post this so you can all giggle over me hugging people and the fact He had to bring me to America to ¬†get it……

Entry for July 24th 2013

Morning Elsa it works, this is me sat in the lounge of the airport waiting to board. I have good seats all the way , have a good day brothers and sisters. ūüôā

Entry  for July 23rd 2013

Am all packed and ready to go, have printed off the scriptures verses spoken out on Sunday night:

The Lord is our strength – They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out roots by the stream. it does not fear when heat comes its leaves are always green.


Strengthen the feeble hands,

Steady the knees that give way

Say to those who are fearful hearted,

Be strong do not fear!

Behold your God will come with vengeance,

With the recompense of god;

He will come and save you

would  add  also that I have not coughed once since the brothers and sisters prayed for me.

Entry for July 20th

Morning Elsa, this is me using your iPad to set up access to this blog so I can record all He is doing on this trip so we can all share in it.  I loved what you shared about the pearls  Christ gives us to share with one another and paying attention when He does.  

Entry for July  19th

One of the brothers¬† felt it was important that I listen to a teaching series by a man named Ken Symington before I left, so I picked them up on Tuesday night¬† and started listening to them on the drive home, there are nine discs in the series and¬† not much time left so I have been powering through them.¬† Today while driving along, Ken mentions during the course of his message that the number seven in the bible represents Gods completion. Now it just so happens that the last flight I catch home from Victoria is GF777 and I felt Him saying to me that¬† coming home and sharing¬†¬† ll I have received will complete this particular mission of faith.¬† Again just a small thing, but each day¬† I have felt¬† I am having this ongoing conversation with Him encouraging me that He is with me every step of the way and I need not fear, nor will I want for anything either in the natural or the spiritual and I can honestly say that I have a perfect peace about going.¬† I hesitate to say it, but¬† possibly I am even a little excited…….. like a pot that has been simmering slowly and finally is allowed to boil, I am a little more than curious to see what He has in store for us all.

Entry for July 18th 2013

It’s only a small thing, but I woke up this morning wondering if the hotel had a pool or a gym as I have been exercising on a nearly daily basis for the last few weeks and I would like to keep it up while I am away if possible¬† so I planned to¬† look the hotel up on-line later to find out.¬† When I¬† finally got around to the computer and started with my emails there was one from the hotel to let me know my booking was confirmed and by the way did I know they had a pool and a gym…again even before I knew what I want my Dad in heaven knew and had it sorted. ūüôā

Entry for  July  17th 2013

Not sure if I mentioned this, but there is a B blog running concurrently with the A blog¬† ( the A Blog being this one which is published), while the B Blog will only¬† be published once I am back.¬† On the B blog this morning I typed out a prayer request for a computer that was small enough and portable enough which did not take up¬† too much room¬† so that I could take it with me and keep both the A and the B Blog updated………two minutes ago a sister rang and said I want you to know that your taking my iPad with you when you go we will set it up so you can use it¬† where ever so we can stay in contact with you and so you can keep us updated on everything……

Entry for  July 16th  2013 SimpsonPack_460x306px

2 Corinthians 12:9 ¬† “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” King James Bible This morning I got to sleep¬† in till 5.00am¬† at which point I called out Jesus and heard back in your weakness I am made strong… (when I say called out I actually whisper it¬† so as not to wake T……, but in my mind I call it out ).¬† This blog has two parts to it A for reading now and B I will only publish after I get back in relation to this verse.¬† the reason for this is that a record is to be kept of both things given to me at this time but only one is to be shared after I am back for His glory. He is teaching me when, how and what to share of Him so bear with me, it’s not meant to be a mystery simply operating in His¬† wisdom. Part A of this¬† section came¬† just as I was falling asleep that I needed to put in the part about looking for a backpack to take with me as the little black one I cart everywhere with me was split in three places.¬† You may wonder why I don’t use a handbag¬† instead of carting what ie really a rather ugly back pack everywhere it’s because my boy gave it to me when he came back from Afghanistan and so its a reminder of him.¬† I have stitched it a couple of times now in various places in an effort to stave off having to part with it¬† but this time when I saw it had split it three new places I figured it would be better to get a new one so i didn’t end up loosing my passport or tickets or something through one of the holes.¬† So while in Perth I went to K mart, Target¬† and strand Bags to find a new back pack as I have come to see they are far more sensible than handbags for my purposes….or so I thought. Upon investigation though I found that backpacks are big cumbersome and heavy unlike my simple canvas pack with three compartments and a simple single adjustable strap across the back. Then it was suggested I go to an army surplus store and get another pack and I thought brilliant why didn’t I think of that so I went on line to see how much they were on the websites, but could only find the big combat ones for sale at $300 plus and¬† that certainly were not going to fit in the luggage compartment overhead on the plane.¬† So I started punching in the name of the pack but still no sign of it anywhere on the net till¬† I went to the army¬† and found this page

site http://www.army.gov.au/Army-life/Health-and-welfare/The-Simpson-Pack

and discovered that they don’t sell this pack to anyone it is only given to soldiers wounded in action when they are medi-vacced out¬† so they have some basic necessities.¬† This was the pack our son had been given when he had been hit by shrapnel from the jeep explosion in Afghanistan while rescuing an ANC soldier though he never said a thing to us about its origins. This only made the pack even more special to me and so I spent a good part of that day hand stitching the places where it had come apart.¬† As I sat sewing all I could think was how appropriate that this bag should be coming with me as I go to get provisions¬† for our body. It also reminded me of the fact that the Lord had known what our sons need was going to be before that explosion and He had got us praying as a family 24 hours before hand not once but twice for him and his unit, and as He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow I could be sure He knew what I need long before hand so not to fret. Then when I woke this morning and got this verse I knew he was telling me not to worry about the travel schedule and being tired, that whether I took my cpap machine with me or not was irrelevant as He was my strength and me being tired would only make his job easier as I would resist his leading’s less (for those who don’t know a cpap machine is a device that maintains¬† continuous air pressure while you sleep which I have been using for the past few weeks and has made a difference to how much I sleep)…. but as I have waited 18 months to get one¬† and as they are not cheap I have thought¬† long and hard about the wisdom of taking it with me on numerous planes and homes as I bounce round the globe .¬† Yes it will make sure I sleep well, but it is not a robust machine and could easily be damaged and given that I am only taking my back pack and a carry on bag with me while I am away this would take up a lot of space in my back pack.

So it is staying home and¬† I trust Him¬†¬† when He says that in my weakness His strength¬† is Perfect ūüôā

Entry for July 15th 2013

Approximately 10 weeks ago I learnt that Christ lived in me, I am not going to attempt to explain what that means simply because I don’t know how to impart to others the discovery I have made using anything so primitive as language suffice to say this discovery has changed me. Nor¬† am¬† I¬† going to attempt to explain the steps that led to this point¬† I am simply going to start to tell the part of my story that was the impetus for this blog, though I will explain the title which¬† was inspired by¬† the stories of¬† C.S.Lewis in particular The Last Battle where they¬† cry out as they press on into Christ “Further up and further¬† in”. It started with an email that a member of our church sent out to the body that is us, ¬† he felt that there were people in our church who were meant to go to Interconnect 2013 and¬† was asking us to consider it as a body. Up until this point I had simply deleted anything to do with the conference¬† without reading it as it had nothing to do with me¬† so¬† I knew nothing about any of the particulars concerning the conference other than it was in America somewhere. However my heart sank as I read this email¬† and¬† a voice¬† that I am coming to recognize and respond to¬† as Christ’s said “you’re to go”¬† at this stage I still choose to point out the obvious to Him…..ahh no passport, no money and what about¬† our child that is currently struggling so badly that I often sit with them through out the night as they go through this long night of the soul that seems to be their lot at present who will sit with this child who will protect and care for them if I am not here? …………………………………………………….Silence He never argues with me, He simply says¬† His peace and waits for me to take that first step of faith which in this instance was more like a leap across Bass Strait. My first step was to speak to hubby who has¬† been calmly and quietly¬† observing the changes in me over the last few weeks¬† as I learn to walk out my new-found faith in Christ stumbling and tripping all the way. Sunday morning came round after a¬† night¬† that had seen us at 1.00am¬† looking for our¬† child¬† out in the bush, the same child who has been struggling, while I sat crying holding my breath waiting for¬† this child’s¬† return pleading with Christ to intervene¬† while hubby was out searching¬†¬† and when finally¬† our child walked in the door so great was my relief that it was all I could do to get to the bathroom in time before I started throwing up. Yet this event showed me that I can not help this child only Christ can and that I have to trust that if He is asking me to go to America then there has to be a point to it and that I must simply trust and follow Him no matter what it looks like in the natural¬† to me or to any one else. So after a night that saw us get about 2 hours sleep I decided to tell hubby what I felt Christ was calling me to do, but before I could one of our other children who had tucked me into bed the night before and sat and comforted me as I slowly let go of the belief that I could protect my struggling child came through the door and nudged her way between hubby and I something she has not done since¬† she was little.¬† I wondered should I wait until we were alone, but felt no its right to share this part of my journey with this child too ( I say child but they are in fact a fully functioning adult) and so I told of how the email had come through, of my heart sinking as I felt Christ telling me I was¬† to go and waited for the response. It came as it always does¬† with my husband a calm acceptance and the simple statement well if it’s the Lord’s will he will make a way……that day our daughter asked if she could come to church with me to which I gladly said yes as¬† I felt a new connection with this¬† young adult after our vigil of the night before. So we went to church and after getting lost and driving around for 30 minutes before finding the right house¬† I¬† arrived but not with a¬† calm¬† spirit , but¬† one full of anxiety and nerves at what was about to come.¬†¬†¬† The discussion began and eventually¬† the body spoke out¬† one by one as I sat towards the back listening intently hoping that this would pass me by, every now and again I would catch the eye of the brother who had sent out the email and I could see¬† what was on his heart, but still I kept silent and then another in our body asked me what I thought……….. My first thought was to say that I did not believe we had to go to America to the conference to understand what Living in Christ meant as¬† He had shown me on my little hill out in the bush and though inept I was learning daily how to walk in it I felt……that being said, though I did not want to go I was willing to be obedient even though only the night before we had experienced a significant event with our child, wherein I broke down in tears as the terror¬† I had felt¬† from the night before made itself felt all over again, only to find¬† myself lovingly embraced in a matter of¬† moments by a sister as she comforted me. After calming down I continued¬† speaking letting them know that when I had read the email Christ had said to me that¬† He meant for me to go and so I was willing, but they should know I didn’t want to I was merely being obedient¬† that there were some pretty major obstacles to be overcome not least of which was I did not have a passport and we didn’t have the money¬† to pay for airline flights it,¬† so while I was willing to be obedient it would have to be conditional on Christ making a way forward.¬† One of the¬† brothers asked¬† me how my husband felt¬† about it and I was able to say¬† he has said yes if Christ makes a way, more discussion followed,¬† but for me¬† the worst¬† part was over¬† I had said yes¬† to Christ despite¬† my feelings. The next day I woke at 4.00am to Christ telling me to step out in faith and start the process¬† (so after calling out His name which feels to me like I am¬† letting Him know I am up¬† Jesus where are you come and walk with me this day) I headed out to my desk where my laptop sits and went on-line and booked¬† and paid for the hotel and for a ticket to the conference¬†¬† using up most of our small nest egg then I¬† looked at what I had to do to get a passport. Apparently that was going to chew up the rest of our¬† nest egg at a¬† cost of $350.00 for the passport and another $45.00¬† to get a copy of my marriage certificate explaining my name change so I could get said passport. The following day I drove down to the city¬† with child number four who was participating in¬† an indoor rock climbing¬† session with a bunch of his friends only to discover that I had left my wallet at home¬† and had¬† no way of paying for anything, faced with having to drive back to pick¬† up¬† my wallet and¬† missing the deadline before¬† the Department of Births Deaths and Marriages closed , I rang home and child number two said they would bring it down to me. With wallet in hand I obtained my¬† marriage certificate,¬† and three passport applications and then went home to start the process of trying to complete one passport application satisfactorily, something that sounds easier than it is these days. Wednesday I had¬† photos taken and made an appointment at the post office to lodge the forms.¬† Thursday a friend witnessed all three forms and Friday saw me turning up for the appointment feeling sick to the stomach as I have always hated what to me feels like an invasion of my very being when I am forced to give out details about myself to a faceless bureaucracy.¬† Generally I slip on my armour plating¬† and become curt and sharp in an effort to maintain some sort of barrier between me and the world that is trying to invade me, but that day I was still in the process of slipping it on¬† when Rae the postal lady caught me off guard she was¬† happy, kind and cheerful¬† she was also not going to be put of by my cold demeanor and somewhere along the way I forgot to put on the rest of my suit and slowly Christ took of what I had put on. So¬† I spent the next 45 minutes chatting amiably with Rae, answering all sorts of personal questions much to the utter amazement of my on looking hubby who has seen me in armour plated mode many a time over the years and was bemused by this sudden sharp departure from my normal behaviour in these types of situations…..though I did not find this out until child number two revealed a conversation she and hubby had in church that Sunday re my changing nature. So week one had passed and I had¬† done nearly all that I could in the natural¬† when He told me to go and dig out of my files the record of what He had done 15 years before when he had sent me to¬† a Joyce Meyer’s Women’s Conference in St Louis.¬† As I read through the first part I was reminded that there was also a spiritual component to preparation for my journey which I needed to address. I sought Christ on¬† what this would look like¬† and over the course of the next few days he asked me to stop watching certain TV shows, to read certain books and to re-watch specific DVD’s on Living in Christ. Then one morning as I went out to spend time with Him on the verandah he brought my attention to the picture¬† of Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac on the altar¬† that hangs in our dining room and He asked me to read¬† afresh their story. Weeks before the Lord had told me hence forth I was to¬† read the bible out loud when ever I read it¬† and so as I sat there¬† that morning reading aloud He showed me how it had been His plan all the way along to provide a different sacrifice for Abraham other than his son, but that it still did not preclude Abraham from having to prepare as if he was to sacrifice Isaac and make the journey¬† taking with¬† him the provisions for the sacrifice. That just as I was prepared to be obedient to His call despite it appearing that my struggling child was to be placed on that altar of sacrifice, so too would the angel of death¬† pass us by as he had Isaac.¬† That there was a blessing for my child just as there had been for Isaac who was to become the father of Israel,¬† but that I¬† was¬† still¬† required to¬† make the¬† trip up the mountain. At that point His perfect peace that truly does pass all understanding and common sense¬† spread though out my being and I began breathing¬† deeply again, it is hard to explain, but I had been¬† almost holding my breath over the last few days in case I upset the delicate balance that was me at present and now I was free to fill my lungs again, no more tight band around my rib cage. As I¬† headed towards the end of the week I ventured to investigate flights there and back for the conference, working out that¬† it meant about five days away in total,¬† however He had not finished with me yet.¬† It was felt by the body here that as I was going across it made sense to actually experience life in the body as it was being lived by the church in Gainesville, again I felt Him saying yes this is me and so I said okay Lord, but its five days now and I can’t see T…… agreeing to much more than that, but when I asked my hubby how long was he happy for me to be away (expecting ¬† 10 days at the most) he floored me by saying no longer than a month……now I could feel that¬† tight band¬† begin to curl round my chest¬† again at the sudden thought of¬† possibly a whole month a way from home. So I reported back to the body and investigated flights and schedules for staying on afterwards, but¬† He wasn’t finished yet.¬† Again he woke me at 4.00am and said I want you to stop on your way home and share with the church’s in the East what you have experienced. “But Lord that will take even longer¬† and they will think I am nuts if I tell them this (my brothers and sisters) and this means more expense and you haven’t even provided the finances for the first part yet”…………….silence once again. So I told the body what I had heard, feeling like an utter fool, but they¬† encouraged me¬† to follow His promptings so I set¬† about¬† finding out how many¬† there were and where they were, finally¬† contacting them to see if they felt like a crazy lady dropping in on them on her way home. At the previous meeting the brothers and sisters had agreed to use what ever was in the church funds to help pay for the trip, yet even flying straight there and back¬† the amount would only meet a 1/3 of the cost, now we were adding flights. At the next meeting with only 6 of the body present one of the brothers told me to book the flights he would pay the rest of the bill, but as I still hadn’t heard back from any of the church’s I was loathed to book anything until I knew¬† for sure where and when I was going ,but time was running down and decisions had to be made. After an email from the brother offering to pay saying step out in faith I booked the flights and he paid for them. In the mean time the various church’s sent back emails that not only said yes we are happy for you to come, but were in fact warm and very welcoming and in one case even said my coming was an answer to prayer, this gave me peace of mind that instead of slowly going dotty I was¬† actually learning to live in Him and walk in Him. Now the flights are booked and paid for, my passport has arrived, a visa waiver has been obtained and all that is left is for me to pack a bag and break in my shoes for walking. I started this blog because even though only two weeks have passed since this all began so much has happened that it is already hard to keep track of how and when things happened. From here on in I hope to update daily so that not one measure of what He is doing is lost as I feel this is not just for me,but for the whole of the body this little adventure in faith. Which reminds me on another morning he got me up at 4¬† as is his want and as I was putting wood on the fire and banking up the embers to bring it¬† back to life so the house would be warm when everyone got up, that He reminded me of the woman in Proverbs 31¬† who rose early to provide provisions for her house and¬† I felt Him say “this is what you are doing, you are going to get provisions for your family both here and for your family in Christ. I have no idea what lies ahead¬† nor do I have any expectations¬† and no I am not excited as yet I am more inclined to do a Scarlett O’ Harra and refuse to think about things until tomorrow. What I do have is His peace and His love for my brothers and sisters¬† growing daily in my heart along with a willingness and desire to learn to live in Him no matter what it may look like from the outside.